That Winter Night

    On March 14th, it was snowing outside, but it felt like it was going to have a happy ending! I was ready and more prepared for this moment than ever before. My Nana felt that he would get back to me, and we would go out once everything blew over from the virus.
    When I walked into Melvin's, I walked throughout the store, and I didn't see him. I was scared that I wouldn't have the chance to give him the letter or that I wouldn't see him again.
    Then, I saw him in the cleaning supplies, stocking the floor cleaner. I walked in and walked up to and said, "I know we're not gonna have a lot of time to talk, cause of all this."
    Thomas said, "Hm, yeah, what's up?"
    I said, "Just, uh, nothing really. I was just, you know, wandering around. I just wanted to say one thing."
Then, an employee was walking up behind him, so I said, "One moment."
    Thomas got surprised when the guy came around him. The guy looked at me, and I said, "Go ahead", nicely. Thomas looked at the both of us, and he smiled at me.
    Then, Thomas walked with the box that he was unboxing to the shelf. I said, "We really don't have a lot of time to talk because of, you know, corona stuff."
He bent down to stock, and I handed him the letter. I said, "Here, so you can talk to me outside of work."
    He put it on the shelf, and I watched it, to make sure that he was going to take it. He just said, "Okay" as his cheeks blushed, and he had dreamy eyes.
    Jokingly, I said, "Don't blow me off, in that way."
    He laughed and said, "I mean, like I said, I really don't text people, so... maybe I will, maybe I won't."
    I said, "Aw, ain't that rude."
    He laughed but said, "Yeah, I mean, just the way I am."
    I said, "Well, I like talking to you."
    Then, he said, which was kinda rude, "Yeah. Well, I've been over this how many times. I don't text people. I don't do that."
    Trying to make a good thing happen, I said, "Well, my email is on there too."
    He got up off the ground and said, "Alright."
    I said, "I hope to hear from you."
    He walked away from me and said, "I'll let you know."
    Then, because of everyone in the aisle and trying to keep a happy spirit, I said, "Have a good rest of your day... all of you that work here at Melvin's."
    The lady there said, "Thank you". Then, I walked out of the aisle.
    My Nana was still getting her groceries and what she needed. So, I went and reminisced in the dog aisle where Thomas and I met. Seeing the old view made me smile. To think, we had shared so many memories and had so many conversations, following that day, made my heart flutter, in its own symphony.
    I thought about us. I thought about what we could be. Now, I gave him my number again, I was expecting a call, an email or a text. I was just so happy that I had made the move and that we may actually go somewhere.
    Seeing the old pet aisle where we met made me think of it over and over again. Capturing each moment in my heart and in my mind. Then, I saw the time. It was almost 9:00.
    I remembered a few days earlier, he had gone on his break at 9:00. So I waited those few minutes in the dog aisle, hoping he'd walk past. Hoping that he would see me in the aisle and come over and talk with me.
    When it clicked just past 9:00, he walked past quickly, and I missed him. He checked out something and was walking out the door.
    I didn't know what to do. I wanted to go after him, but I was afraid, at the same time. Would I appear clingy? Would I appear needy? Though, I went with my heart and went after him.
    Surprisingly, I caught up with him as he went out the door. I said something to the point that I hope that I didn't offend him by giving my number in a letter. Though, he just kept walking, like I wasn't even there. He said, "What?"
    As we turned away from the building onto the sidewalk, I said, "Can't you just wait a minute?"
    He laughed as an insult and just kept walking and said, "I'm going on break. I don't got time. I got fifteen minutes, all I got."
    Not thinking I heard him properly, I said, "How long?"
    He didn't hear me because he was moving like he was trying to catch a plane and said, "Huh?"
    I asked, "How long?"
    He replied, almost a quarter mile away, "Fifteen minutes."
    Seeing him walk far away in the parking lot, I said, "Well, hope to hear from you. See you next week!"
    He disappeared in the distance. I just stood there watching the snow come down... that winter night. What disappointed me the most was that out of fifteen minutes, he couldn't even give me one minute of it. I felt so alone. I felt like he didn't even care. Though, it showed me the truth.
    His actions were rude. They weren't him. Truthfully, I believe that was the real him. Someone running away from something that could have been the most beautiful thing in the world. Instead, he chose a wrong move and probably, possibly, regrets it.
    When I talk about that night with my Nana or just think about it, so many things could have been happening. We believe he chose his old life over me because he knew it. He knew how to handle it. He never wanted anything more with me, I guess.
    If you're curious, Thomas never called. I waited and waited for an answer, especially during this time, but he never called. Never emailed. Never texted. He just let that moment fade away, in reality.
    As time went by during lockdown of the coronavirus, I thought about me and Thomas and our moments together. I read through my old diaries with all the conversations and entries, and I believe he did like me. He just wasn't ready for our relationship with me. Maybe he had a bad rejection or bad relationship. Or, maybe as I thought, he didn't give up his old habits of smoking, drinking, and who-knows-what-else.
    Despite the way that our 'relationship' ended that winter night... I learned a lot from that chapter. I learned to be more confident. I learned that it's not scary talking to people. I learned that forgiveness is needed in some situations and giving people chances is also necessary. I learned that life is a gift. We shouldn't take things for granted.
    Life is beautiful. Just having the opportunity to wake up the next morning is a blessing. It's not a curse. It's not about death. It's about living for the moment, living for the next chapter, and becoming the person you were meant to be!
    As I look at that chapter ending and a new one opening, I know that change is coming! I know that Thomas won't be a part of it, but I'm glad for what he did for me! I'm glad that he opened my eyes to see the positive side of life. I'm ready for the next chapter! So, here we go!