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People always thought I loved too hard. To others from the outside looking in it seemed like I was too sensitive. If they knew the story from my side they would understand.
But I tried to explain myself too many times I was tired. I was done trying, I didn't want love.
It was time for me to be selfish. I honestly didn't think I could pull it off for so long.
I faked it until I made it. The tough act, staying away was just for my mental health.
This is my story I was going to be selfish and stingy with who I let around me now.
Seven months into it I haven't talked to anyone but my family. I've responded to one text from Shyan about two months ago and it was a simple "I love you too."
It wasn't her fault. I didn't even blame him if anything I blamed me. I let love push me to the edge. Maybe one day I would face them, couldn't act like I didn't miss them but right now everything in New York was toxic for me. I had to go.
"Calm down..." Jhene Aiko's Trigger Mantra played throughout my condo as I looked through my schedule for the week. Often I liked to work and go about my day alone but when it was a work day that usually consisted of photo-shoots, runway, or interviews I had to be surrounded by many people.
I was proud to be one of the first models to be able to walk a runway who didn't reach the height requirements, I was pushing and opening doors for people.
Sipping the last of my morning chamomile tea it was spiked with a little bit of Burbon. I didn't add alcohol all the time especially not with my favorite tea which was peppermint. People didn't know it but if you just added some sugar and a splash of milk, it would change your life. The alcohol, however, helped my mind feel at ease.
Deciding to put some pep in my step I sent a text to the group chat I had with my glam team telling them I was on my way.
Once I put on my everyday beat up Gucci slides that I usually wore on work days, I locked the door and headed out the door seeing my light pink bubble gum truck in the parking lot. I felt like today was going to be a good day so a little color would be perfect.
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