m o n o

TRACK 1

"Life is a word that sometimes you cannot say. And ash is a thing that someday we all should be"

― Kim Namjoon

KIM Namjoon's been staring at his phone for maybe an hour. Ignoring his band mates flooding messages on their group chat talking about their coming up big collaboration project, ignoring several calls from his manager who's probably nagging about his packed tomorrow schedule, ignoring his boss's email about his lyrics adjustments. Namjoon ignores it all―except his five minutes mom's call just then, asking him whether he's eating well or not and making sure he's drinking 2 litres mineral water with extra apple to chew a day. Listened to her voice eases him so much. Always. Moreover on the night like this.

It's 2 AM right now in Tokyo.

And he's still waiting for particular someone to call. Someone who's having as mad schedule as his. Someone who's flying over Seoul to Hon Kong to Shanghai to New York every week and working their ass off like no tomorrow. Some who's... name appearing in his cellphone right now.

Namjoon excessively slides the green button in almost panic way. Place the phone on his left ear then greet nothing. His heartbeat seems talk louder than everything right now it's going to combust.

"Hey?" This is it. The voice. His Voice.

Oh how a little 'hey' can wreck Kim Namjoon's sense, he just wants to bawl his heart out if he could.

"Miss me?" The voice continues. Trying to cheer the atmosphere up with his signature cute tone but Namjoon can sense the man's tired breathing. Just a little sigh can tell him everything. It's Jackson Wang's thing.

Do I miss myself? Do I miss your face? I don't know.

"Hmm..."

I don't know. I don't know.

"I'm sorry, I just got back from recording and―"

"Hey, it's okay, Jackson. It's okay, really. I understand." A light pause. Namjoon can hear Jack's humming probably while nodding there. A sound of rustling fabric echoes. They both make themselves comfy on their bed, ready to talk to each other in a calmer way than their today's rush activities.

"Tight schedule, Joon? You sound kinda off?"

"A little. As per usual. Not as tight as yours, I guess? How's your day?"

Jackson tells him his latest schedule with his Korean agency called JYP, with his Team Wang, also with 88rising as well. Talking about his latest mv shooting. Namjoon finds Jackson's enthusiasm tone while talking about what he loves is sexy as hell. He would die to repeat hundreds of yeah, hmm, of course, you're doing great just to make sure that Jackson Wang, the hardworking man himself, is being heard by him attentively.

They take turn. Namjoon answering the exact question by explaining his tour relay schedule and how several choreography is quite bothersome for him―he can hear Jackson giggles and he sulks for a sec just to hear the latter says 'msorry, babe, go on in between―also he explains his new songs project in brief. Like he did, Jackson is very observant human. He comments when he feels need to and praise him over and over again appreciatively.

"Hey?"

"Hmm?"

"You know I wouldn't mind if you call me first, right, Joon-ah? Don't wait for me to call. Not like someone else, I won't ever reject you. I'll make my time." Jackson emphasize the certain phrase because only Mother Earth knows that Namjoon can reply on his text two weeks later and act like nothing happened. They're both used with that already and find it unrealistically cute anyway by now.

"I know. I'm just afraid that I'm going to―"

"Stop. You won't. I'll be glad to."

"Yeah?" Namjoon bites his lower lip. Wish he can just yell oh shut up you pretty motherfucker! but he won't jeopardize their already rare phone call moment like this.

"More than everything in the world."

"You're being exaggerating." Namjoon chuckles deep. Jackson's breath hitches.

"Not feeling sleepy yet, Sleepyhead?"

"Not yet. You?"

"Hmmnot. Just laying here in my bed thinking about―"

"Me?"

"You're so full of yourself, Namjoon-ah."

There it is. Jackson's laughing sounds so good. Namjoon thanks Universe he'd be one of human who can listen to it and make his own heart skipped a beat by it. Sucha world wonder. Life prize. And he's not being aggrandizing here. At all. Mayhaps.

"You said you have schedule at 7. You need to sleep now."

I can't sleep. Homesick.

"Oh come on, Manager-nim. It's still early." He's not lying. It's 3 AM right now in Tokyo. It's 2 AM right now in Shanghai.

"Jackson?"

Babe, I just wanna stay right next to you.

"Hmm?"

"If you could choose what you're dreaming, what are you wishing for tonight?" Jackson can't hold his smile. He's gripping his quilt too strong, restraining himself from screaming the fuck you're so cute for Namjoon-ah!? in loud speak mode. This kind of conversation is Kim Namjoon antics. And he loves it.

"Hmm... Nothing. I want nothing but black and serene. And feeling recharge when I wake up. Even just for several minutes is fine. How about you, Joon?"

If I could choose my dream, I just wanna stay right next to you.

"Guess the same as yours. Jack?"

"Yeah?" It's insane how Jackson's deep hoarse voice could flipping Namjoon's inside tummy.

"Lets stay like this 'til we're asleep?"

"Mmmkay. You tired?"

"Now, I'm not..." they both smiling on their bed looking at their hotel ceiling like an idiot. Knowing what it means. Knowing they're feeling just the same. Until Namjoon suddenly blurts,

"Jack, I'm..."

"I know. I do too. So much." Jackson replies in the speed of light.

Then they're still in silence. Find comfort in each other's soft constant breathing through the air. It feels calming. It feels soothing. It always feels like this.

Like home.

Maybe Namjoon doesn't feel homesick anymore. Maybe he can find peace like this, with particular someone accompanying him in his sleep wherever he is, in whenever random late hours as possible.

Just exactly like this.

And Jackson Wang random whistling sound is Kim Namjoon favorite lullaby now.

*