Bloom Into You [discontinued]

4//Languor

"Languor refers to lethargy or weakness in body and mind. You might experience this phenomenon when you've been working too many hours and are starting to hit burnout."

         Hello everyone! I'd just like to say how appreciative I am for all of the love you've given this book so far, being the awkward person I am I don't know how to respond to your comments but like I just wanted tell y'all that my heart flutters when I read anything you guys comment! Also a person  complimented my writing when it came to Y/N's self harm habits and I am sad to see that they also experienced it. I put a part of myself in all of my books so that the characters are more relatable and realistic :). Well, thank you for reading and I hope you keep supporting me and my endeavors <3

TW: Self harm, depressive thoughts, suicidal ideation, along with abuse.
S/C: skin color
H/C: hair color
F/C: favorite color

[edited :)]

              You breathed heavily, tears clouding your vision and your body feeling as if it weren't your own. You shivered with anxiety as you feel your throat begin to constrain the air supply in your lungs. "Y/N! Y/N!" The vice-captain knelt down to your eye level, her voice a calm and gentle tone as she raised her hand in front of her to show that she had no intention of touching nor making any moves to make contact with you. "Y/N, please calm down-" She tried to pull you into a hug, but stopped. She rethought the decision, realizing that it may cause you to go into an even more severe state. "-Can I touch you?" Her gentle tone asked for consent, wanting to make you feel as comfortable as possible. With the little remaining energy you had left, you gently shook your head no, to which the older girl simply pursed her lips and nodded, acknowledging your answer. "Listen, Y/N. You're not in danger right now. Try your best to take deep breaths. You're going to make yourself feel worse if you don't at least try to control your breathing and communicate with us." The rest of the team soon squatted down along with the vice-captain, all nodding at her previous statement. "It's really nothing hon, you've just got a few scars and feel bad. We'll treat you just the same." Mikato spoke in her usual tones, trying to make it abundantly clear to you that your self harm and mental illness would not deter her nor any of the other members from treating you as an equal rather than a sob story. "Mmn. We're sorry about our actions, we should've left you alone babe." Nanami spoke on the behalf of her and her sister. The rest of the team began to speak sweet words to you and tried their best to calm you down.

          After what seemed like forever, you were finally able to stop hyperventilating and hold a bottle of water. Chugging it quickly, your mouth made a soft pop sound as you finished drinking and began to speak to your teammates in a quiet and still shaking voice. "Thank you." They all simply giggled and said that it was nothing to worry about, somewhat quelling your worries. "How'd you know how to help her, Ai-Chan?" Yuka asked inquisitively, "My younger sister has really bad anxiety, so as the big sister I try to help her when she has anxiety attacks." "Awee!" The club said as they began to bombard the vice-captain, who in turn began to complain and scream. In that time you pulled on stockings under the volleyball shorts and looked at your jersey. Since the girls volleyball club was a bit minuscule in numbers, she was able to become a starter. Your jersey proudly boasting the number 8. "C'mon girls!" You heard the captain yell as she motioned for you all to begin running laps around the school's track field. Before you were able to follow the rest of the girls in the activity, you heard a deep male voice call out your name. "Y/N-Chaaaaan~ Wait for a sec!" You turned around and saw the blonde Miya rushing towards you. He was also followed by angry complaints by his teammates for rushing out in the middle of practice, but you chose to ignore it. "Miya-San?" As he grew closer to you, a concerned look overtook his face and you could tell he was looking at the dried tears that adorned your S/C cheeks. "You ok?" You responded with a slow nod, averting you gaze to the ground in embarrassment. "Mm..." He paused for a second, then deciding he didn't want to pry. He simply continued with his original reason as to approaching you. "So about that date Saturday, have you asked your parents? I don't wanna take you out without permission you know?" To your surprise, the playboy-esque Miya actually had some common decency. However, the revelation did little to soothe the fact that your heart paced faster at the mention of your parents. "Uhm... They don't mind." A large grin sprouted from Atsumu's previous worried frown as he happily began walking back to his team, departing with the words "Then it's all good! I'll see ya then!" With a long sigh, you bit your lip and continued to your original destination with the rest of your new teammates.

...

Saturday. The day you had waited for. You had done an immense amount of research on what clothes were in style since you practically lived in your leggings and sweaters when you weren't wearing your school uniform. In the end, you ordered an outfit that consisted of a black circle skirt, black and white long-sleeved shirt, fishnets and thigh highs. Checking your appearance, you pulled the skirt lower and the thigh highs higher. You had already sparsely placed a few bandages on your cuts and applied color corrector and concealer on the scars that have almost faded, yet you were still anxious that someone would notice. To be honest you were frightened beyond explanation, but you knew you had to make a good impression or else he would start judging you even more than he probably does already. Trying your best to shake off your anxieties, you tied your H/C in low pigtails with F/C ribbons. Feeing your breath hitch at the prospect of going out in an outfit as risky as this, your hands shook whilst you tried to check your phone due to its constant buzzing.

Atsumu
20 mins ;) r you rdy for our date?
;^; Y/N-Chan respond to me 😭😭😭
o wait- you must b getting rdy
anyways here's a lil peek

Y/N
I really like that shirt :).
And yes I am ready now,
I'll be waiting for you.

Atsumu
Ight im a comin

You gripped your phone in anticipation, making your way down the stairs. You were almost out the open door when you felt a sharp pain as your hair was pulled back, "Where do you think YOU'RE going you little bitch?" Your mother's voice spat like venom. In that instance, you knew what was going to happen. Her and your father had another argument. He turned to his work and drowned himself in it, choosing to ignore your mother's pleas for compromise, and so she turned to the bottle. "M-Mom please-" You tried to reason with her, but were met with a firm slap to your face and the feeling of your face crashing on the cold hard tile floor as she pushed you to the ground. "I'm not your fucking mom. I'm only giving you the privileges you have out of pity. The least you could do is respect me and my wishes. I don't know how many fucking times I have to tell you until you understand. YOU'RE FUCKING SATAN SPAWN! I DIDN'T FUCKING GIVE BIRTH TO YOU! YOU'RE A FUCKING DISGRACE!" Her words sunk deep into your heart as did her punches into your skin, pounding her fists into your body, into every exposed bit of skin. You began to cry and scream hysterically, the pain becoming absolutely unbearable. Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, you heard the honk if a car horn. "FUCK!" You screamed to yourself internally, realizing Atsumu was now at your house. From the quick peek you were able to take through your mother's flurry of punches, you could see that he was rushing towards you. Anxiety seeped deep into your bones, as if being beaten and berated wasn't bad enough, now another person was here to witness it. The only thing going through your mind was the thought of committing suicide.

Thank you so much for reading :) Sorry if this chapter is short compared to my others, I'm going through a bit of a writing block haha- 

n e waiz this chapter isn't edited yet i'll get lys to do it soon- follow her DigitallyAttached