Meet the Bat Fam

How I Met Your Father... And Everyone Else

A/N: The following story is set up in mockumentary format (for example The Office or Trailer Park Boys) or whatever. So to prevent any confusion, "interview answers" will be in bold, regular font will be normal subtext. Enjoy.

Today was the day, one Damian Wayne had been dreading since the day he'd let his hormonal evil half get the better of him (yes there are two evil halves). It had been approximately six months, 8 days, and twenty two minutes since he'd "manned up" as Dick referred to it (because how else does one get that of "The Demon's Son" to admit he had feelings at all?).

"God the al Ghuls really fucked up that kid," Dick lamented to an unseen cameraman. "I swear his mother never hugged him. She probably just locked him in a closet when he cried."

"How else would one get a baby to cease crying?" Talia confessed when later asked by the same camera crew. "He was lucky I was that soft with him. My mother threw me in a pit."

Still, since moving to the US and beginning a new life with his father, Bruce Wayne, Damian slowly began to come around to a more Western World view. Or at least enough to consider the prospect of dating.

"Yes I've been courting Raven for a little over six months now," the Bat's son said, answering the question. "Is it going well? Yes, I would say it's been rather enjoyable. Raven's a notable opponent, both on the battlefield and um... the battlefield..." the youngest bat replied with a slight grin.

"Damian's really sweet in his own way." Raven began in her own interview. "I mean, he's one of the strongest, most loyal people I've ever met. I mean the only problem we really have is that my dad wants to kill him, which is like the only normal dad thing my father has ever said... Did I mention we got a dog?"

When later asked about the "My dad wants to kill him," thing, the young man replied, "Trigon's an asshole."

As for Damain's family, they seemed rather thrilled as his elder brothers Richard Grayson and Jason Todd (not actually related) began to express their excitement.

"I can't wait to rag on Damian for having a girlfriend," Jason smiled vindictively as every older brother does at the thought of embarrassing their younger sibling.

"Don't discourage him," Dick replied flippantly, "this is like the most normal thing he's ever done."

"Yeah, you're right," Jason conceded with a hint of disappointment. "Too bad Damian wasn't a girl, then we could shit on her boyfriend."

"We're counting on you Cass."

"She'll probably turn out a lesbian just to deny us the fun."

Bruce on the other hand. "Am I happy that Damian is starting to date: "Of course," the man said with a stern look. "The fact that my son has taken a strong interest in a young lady is surprising. I'm actually relieved..." he took pause as his own words hit him the wrong way. "That came out wrong. What I meant was: Damian's hobbies usually include trying not to kill people or taking interest in things that do kill people, so it's nice to see him dating," Bruce concluded with a bitter look on his face. "His mother's a heartless bitch."

The shot began to zoom out, revealing that Damian had been seated beside Bruce the entire time.

"I invited Mother."

Bruce's face fell slightly, his eyes widening as if the news was more than inconvenient to him..

"Fuck! What do you mean Talia's coming!" Dick spat as he was informed by Bruce of the last minute invite. The former Boy Wonder visibly disgruntled as Damian and Raven looked on in confusion.