Burying My Past..

One whole year, and I'm still not used to this.

Squeezing myself though the rusty metal fence, my overgrown, golden flaxen fur brushed in the direction of the wind. Looks like today could be unpredictable, I thought. As the the sudden gust of the North London wind swept through my fur. I felt the familiar feeling of freedom, and I loved every second of it.

My muddy paws left vague but noticeable marks on the ginger coloured leaves beneath me. My last leg made it ways thought the fence and onto the dead leaves. I couldn't help but notice the slight tug at at the corners of my mouth widen to the very edges of my damp face. I finally felt like I was a young girl again.

But how I wished I was a girl again full stop.

I was now walking - god knows how many miles - with that stupid limp of mine and it was not doing me any favours. I stopped in my tracks, huffing, tongue sticking out. I looked down at my paws, only to find I was bleeding. I - Chloe Armel - knew at that moment that I had to stop hiding my past and had to face my ultimate fear; seeing my family and friends. Setting four paws on those doorsteps was a moment I was going to dread. Normally, I would have set two legs on those doorsteps but who said I was normal? I was going to have to face the music somehow, and the house was not too far from here. I think it's safe to say that I'm pretty excited... and anxious. I had to do it; I needed a house to stay in, since in was heavily pregnant and had practically nothing to eat. And I'm sure they'd adopt a stray dog, we had always talked about getting one, before I had 'died'. What I was dreading was the thought of seeing them everyday and them not knowing who I really was.

Would I even have the courage to face them? Surely I wasn't ready? Nobody, could prepare me for this. I snapped back into reality as my eyes winced in anguish from the pain coming from my front right paw, and continued trotting in the forest. I was now done walking in the dark, oaky, ancient forest that I had spent my life as a girl playing in. From what I could see it was a gusty sunny day, maybe even humid - just like yesterday.

The wind was now almost was now calm, but still present, comforting me, taking me back to reminiscences of my mum cuddling me as a little girl when I couldn't go to sleep at night. I had often used these memories to calm me down when I was nervous. Thankfully now it was working. The memory brought a little smile to my face I haven't smiled - let alone laughed - since the night that changed my life forever.

Looking ahead I could see the rays of sunlight streaming through the gaps in the  vibrant jade coloured trees, warming my cold, frightened mood a little. I was so not used to this foreign situation, despite being in this physical form for exactly a year today, Thursday 24th April 2014. I didn't know what my family would think about my rapid change.

Would they accept the new me?

My nerves were picking up as I trotted towards the edge of the forest, now walking on concrete. I was nearing a highway - the highway. Suddenly reality hit me... there was the highway where it all happened. The highway that spun my existence of a life in all directions except the direction I desired it to go in. All year I had been trying to forget about the night that I had lost my life - literally. Well - kind of. But something
happened. Something saved me. I guess looking back at it; it was a miracle. A twisted miracle that slowly ate away at my soul. I missed my family immensely.

Honestly if went back to that night, I would have chosen to die.

But I guess I didn't.

I shook my head and tried to dismiss that painful significant night in my life, but I couldn't. That night I had to get used to being in another outer shell. Remembering my reaction that night, I noticed the inside was me as always. My eyes were the same. I could recognise my eyes. Electric blue, my eyes had always been powerful, with the power of persuasion.