The Good, The Bad and The Broken

i'll be fine

'At some point, you have to stop running and turn around and face whoever wants you dead. The hard thing is finding courage to do it.'

Alyx POV

I found myself in a pitch-dark hole. There was no way in, and no way out. Tension grew in my bones and muscles. My breathing became more rapid and shallow. My chest pounded. My hands shook. I walked around and felt the walls. 'Stay calm. Breathe. You're alright.' I comforted myself. It didn't work. Sweat dripped down my forehead. 'It's just a dream, Alyx.'

But I couldn't wake myself. I crumpled to the floor. And my vision blurred. I replayed my last panic attack. It wasn't pretty. I was in Ikea. There's nowhere out in Ikea. You just keep walking forward. I started feeling trapped, like prey in the claws of a predator. Everyone was looking at me. I remember my mum shaking me until I responded.

The growing stares of strangers had only fuelled my anxiety.

I saw something in the dark. A person, or a monster, I didn't know. What's the difference really? I opened my mouth to scream, but nothing came out except for a strangled gasp. I was stranded. No help. I needed to get myself out of this. My eyes squeezed shut. My lungs sucked in air as I shivered. With all my might, I forced myself out of the dream.

I woke up to my mum and dad in front of me. I was soaking wet. "What the-" I started, and then I realised. "Wait, did you tip a bucket of water on me?" I demanded.

My parents looked at each other. "You were screaming the house down sweetie. We were really worried, even Fred was worried," my mum explained and my heart constricted. My baby brother. I hated that I had hurt people. The worst part was that I couldn't even help it.

I jumped out of my bed. "Where is he?" I asked, wanting to go and hug my sibling. My parents pointed towards his room. I ran out. When I went into Fred's room, he was sitting on the floor, his arms wrapped around his legs, and his legs were tucked close to his chest.

There were toys scattered around him. Lucky kid. He had so many toys. But unlike other children his age, he appreciated them. He played with them for ages. Whenever I had gotten a new toy at eight years old, I would play with it for like a week and then forgot about it.

He turned at the sound of my footsteps. "Hey Freddie." I smiled weakly and leaned against his door. He ran up to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. This kid was so precious.

My brother looked up at me. "Are you okay?" He asked me. Tears threatened to pour out again.

"It was a bad one, but I'm okay now." I ruffled his dark hair. His big brown eyes looked at me. As he hugged me again.

"You did it. You did it all by yourself. I'm so proud of you." When he said this, a rogue tear escaped. I had promised myself that I would be the best sister possible to Fred. I promised. But some days, it was harder to keep than others.

I buried my head in his hair.

"You two are so cute." My mum said from outside the door. "Breakfast is ready in a few minutes. I made pancakes."

"Yay, pancakes!" Fred shouted and gave me a look.

"I'll be down soon." I told him while he followed my mother down the stairs. I walked into my room and pulled out a small box out of a loose floorboard. It was getting old, but still held so many memories that I wasn't ready to part with yet. I opened it and pulled out a photograph. It was me. I cringed looking at my younger self.

In the photo, I was about fourteen and wearing a poufy pink princess dress. Eww. I think it was at my parents' 15th wedding anniversary. I wouldn't have worn that dress otherwise. Still, looking at the photo I couldn't help but feel sad. Since then, so much has happened. I wished I could go back in time and warn myself.