taylors mess of words

jilip - "did you mean what you said?"

-jades pov-
{

kinda nsfw??? only a tiny bit lol}

I sat in his room waiting for him to wake up. I leaned back on the chair and stared at the ceiling. I spin around and look at Philip. His brown hair covered most of his face. I walk over to him and move his hair out of the way. I stare at him for a while. Something about this boy is so damn addicting. I knew he just saw me as a friend but how could I not fall in love with him? He is everything I look for in a person. I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with him.

I thought to myself as I sat at the end of his bed. Welp guess I gotta do this myself. "Philip." I say shaking him. "Philip wake up." He groans and turns over. I grab a pillow and hit him with it. "Get up bitch." He looks at me with sleepy eyes. "What the fuck Jade." He says in a gravelly voice. "Come on, I didnt come over here just to watch you sleep." I say crossing my arms. Philip stretches and yawns. He lays back down and pats the space beside him. I raise an eyebrow. "C'mon." He says. I sit down beside him. He pulls me down. "If you dont wanna watch me sleep then go back to sleep with me." He says laughing. I roll my eyes and lay beside him. He falls asleep and I stare at the ceiling.

I turn over and try to fall asleep. I get bored of staring at the wall so I go to his kitchen to get something to drink. I look in the cabinets and see a wine bottle. I pour some into a glass and drink it. Climbing up on the counter, I pour another glass. After about an hour and a half of drinking and overthinking I attempt to stand up but I can barely keep my balance.

I walk into Philip's room and walk up to him. "Hey asshat." I say shaking him. "Move over." I say laying back down. "Jade? Are you drunk?" Philip asks. "Yeah." I say rolling ontop of him. "Holy fuck I can smell the wine in your breath." He says. "I literally just said I was drunk what do you expect?" I sarcastically say. "Damn drunk Jade is even more of a bitch." Philip laughs. "Being a bitch is my trademark." I say trying not to embarrass myself. "Yeah I've seen you work hard to reserve your reputation." He says. I stare at him for a while. "What the fuck Philip I cant understand those words, I have like 2 braincells left." I say. "I can tell." He says taking a pillow and putting it beside him. "Here lay down beside me and not directly ontop of me." He says. "Nah." I respond. "You cant just 'Nah' me." He says as I sit up still ontop of him. "Well I just did, so get over it." I say looking down at him. "Fuck you're hot." I say without thinking. "What?" He laughs.

I'm such a fuckwit. I mean I guess I
could blame in on the wine because I
wouldnt ever say that if I was sober,
even if what I said was true. "Get off me
dork." Philip says pushing me off the
bed. I fall to the floor with a loud thud.I
feel a sharp pain in the side of my head.
I look behind me and see the nightstand
I hit my head on. "Ow fuck.." I groan.
"Holy shit, are you okay?" Philip asks.
"Not really but yeah." I say holding my
head. "Im sorry." He says quietly. I
move my hand and see the blood. "Oh
isnt this lovely." I laugh. "Fuck Jade, here let me take you to the ER." Philip says helping me up. "No it's fine. It doesn't even hurt that bad." I shrug. "Please just let me take you there..you might need stitches..I'll pay for the bill." He says chewing his fingernail. "You arnt going to take no for an answer are you?" I ask holding my hand up to my head. "Nope." He says picking me up.

"You know my legs work right?" I ask squirming around. "Yeah but its funnier this way." He laughs. I roll my eyes as he sets me down in the passenger seat. He walks around and gets in starting the engine. I stare out the window trying to ignore the tremendous pain coming from my head. We drive for about 10 minutes in complete silence. "Listen Jade, I really didnt mean to push you that hard. I hope you know what I was just joking around." I wasnt sober enough to have a good reply but I knew he actually meant it. "Its okay, it honestly doesn't hurt that bad." I say. "I know when you are lying. I saw that you were almost in tears and your voice gets higher when you lie." He sighs. "God this is all my fault." He mumbles under his breath. "Why are you so worr-" I get cut off. "Because I keep hurting you." He says trying to concentrate on the road. "I keep doing stupid shit and you always end up getting hurt or upset." "Philip its not that big of a deal. I'm fine okay?" He slams on the breaks hard. "You are literally bleeding from your head right now." He says looking over at me. "And we are here." He unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out of the car. I get out of the car and follow Philip into the ER. He talks to the lady at the desk and signs some papers and leads me to the waiting room and sits beside me. He grabs a magazine from the table and I look up at the television. In the thick awkwardness I spoke up. "that receptionist was pretty." Philip's glare he gave me was enough to know that what I said probably wasnt ideal for the situation that we were in. I looked around the room again and my vision doubled. I tried to focus on one thing but it just made the pain in my head worse. I felt Philip's hand on the small of my back and his voice saying something, I couldnt comprehend it clearly at all but he sounded like my dad after I fell on my bike.

I open my eyes again and I was in the hospital bed. Philip looked up from his phone and got up from the couch he was sitting at. "Did I die?" I ask, tilting my head up to look at the heart monitor that was beeping at a rhythmic pace. Philip chuckled and moved a lock of hair out of my face and behind my ear. "No you didnt, just a few stitches." he sat on the side of the bed and continued speaking in his soft voice, "They had to put you under after you basically punched a nurse for touching your hair." I let out a small laugh. "Sounds like me." "Heh.. yeah." Philip said while looking at the ground. "Wait what's wrong?" I ask him, looking at his distressed form. "Nothing." he mumbles. "I know when you are lying. I see that you're almost in tears and your voice gets deeper when you lie.. or flirt." I say, teasing him about the conversation we had in the car. His head quickly snaps up to look at me. "What?" i ask. id be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about the answer.

"D-did you mean what you said?"

"When?"

"When you- ugh forget it."

"No no tell me"

"you said some.. questionable things to me after you blacked out.."

"oh?"

"I didnt know you were into degrading-"

I nearly choke on air.

"w-what?"

"you said uh-", philip speaks rubbing the back of his neck as his face flushes a deep shade of pink. "you wanted me to make you scream and tell you.. that you're my pretty little... slut."

I could have died from embarrassment right then and there. I really fucked myself over. nice going past jade. you just made my life 10x more awkward.

"i- im sorry." i mutter. feeling the guilt and embarrassment rush into my head. "I know you didn't mean it.. i shouldn't have said anything." he says, looking back down at his phone, which had his messages up with his mother.

"so.. when can we leave here?" i say, trying to break the silence. "oh uh- the nurse said she had to get your medication in, then we could go. we just have to confirm the order." he answers, not looking up from his phone. "oh.. okay."

the room grows silent again. I wanted to say something, especially after saying.. something like that. but maybe he won't think about it. I dont want to make things more awkward than they already are. god why is this so difficult? he's my bestfriend. we grew up together. i shouldn't want him. he thinks of me as a sister, nothing else. and I think that's what hurt the most.