𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙨𝙚𝙖// 𝙆𝙞𝙢 𝙏𝙖𝙚𝙝𝙮𝙪𝙣𝙜

1. // 𝑫𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔

The sound of the same beeping alarm, made me anxious. I knew I had to get up, but I just couldn't. I was stuck on the bed. My body was stuck to the sheets because of sweating, my face was all wet because of running tears. I had the same nightmare. Again. The same cold bloody nightmare. The same screams are even heard right now. I hugged myself, tried to curl into a small ball and tried to feel my own comfort. My body started being filled with goosebumps and my mind was blank, except It was filled with the same incidents that night.
It has been already five years since that happened, I should just move on, shouldn't I? But I can't. That incident left me a scar, and I can't forget about It.
I tried to get up, slowly and calmly. As I did, I went near the window. I uncovered the blinds, expected to see a beautiful sun shine, but all I could see was a cloudy sky and a ton of small little drops of rain filling the outside and falling on my windows.
Not only did I feel bad, but also the weather was gloomy like me. I left the blinds open and I went straight to the bathroom, doing my needed stuff. I putted on some black jeans and a long, blue oversized sweater, to hide the scars on my arms from cutting my self. Yes, I did that, especially after the accident, but at some point in my life I decided to stop and fight for my family and make them feel proud. I didn't put on my makeup, I just didn't even care hiding my dark eye circles. I brushed my hair and then went to the kitchen. I didn't feel hungry so I just drank some water. I grabed my stuff and then went to the university.
I've been studying social sciences for a while now, and I just can't seem to learn anything. I mostly picked social sciences because I could afford the learning, but you know, social sciences weren't my cup of tea, I just had to go through It, without no motivation.

As I entered the building, I putted away my wet umbrella, and went to my needed class. I walked in there, receiving a couple of disgusted looks that I didn't really mind of. I sat at the highest top, at the left corner. There I could do whatever I wanted. Eat, drink, draw, be on my phone, or sleep and dream about that same horrifying incident. The less things I do is study. And I know you might ask why am I like this and why am I wasting my money for that learning when I don't even try. The thing is I do sometimes try, and I did try back in the days, but I feel like my mental state has become even worse. That made me lose motivation in everything. I need to atleast learn something, so that I could probably get a job somewhere with my learnings, but how can I get somewhere, if I don't have any hope in myself. A couple of people entered in and then the teacher came in also, introducing himself once again. There was this one interesting guy that came in. He wore a black hoodie with some black jeans. His hair was black also, making him look attractive and also intriguing. The seats near me were empty, so basically I sat there alone, and I actually always liked It until, I felt a little shocked. My attention was grabed by that same intriguing, attractive guy who sat right next to me. I was confused and anxious. Nobody has sat with me, or even talked with me for over a couple years. It was a weird feeling. Finally after a long time I felt that so called physical contact with a human, even if he didn't say anything. I was confused for why he sat right next to me. There was a whole line filled with empty seats, but he picked this neat next to me. I did take a couple glances at him, but that was It. I felt embarrassed even if I didn't do anything. Suddenly I heard his deep and calming voice speak to me.
- Can I borrow a pencil?- he asked making me flinch. I turned to look at him. His sweet, cold looking, beautiful brown eyes were entering my soul. I just nodded, being scared of even speaking to him. I grabed my pencil case, trying to find a pencil. I could feel his gaze follow my movements. He didn't take his eyes off of my hands and my actions. I was to scared to look at him, so I just was paying attention to only finding the pencil, that I couldn't even notice something reveal itself from my long, blue sweaters sleaves.