Little Stories from Big Hearts

The Monster

There's a monster outside the door,

A monster no one sees.

Not even me.

He is knocking so loudly I can hardly think,

I open the door, but he doesn't get in.

I blame all of you,

You pushed him inside.

He stands by my bed,

I can't go outside.

I can't talk out loud.

I can't free my mind.

He travels in time.

He takes me back,

I see mistakes,

I see shame,

I see ghosts,

I see judge.

Then he takes me forward,

And now I'm blind.

It's so dark,

Too dark.

My monster is God,

And I blame all of you.

I opened the door,

But you pushed him inside.

I let him stay,

But you fed him with hate.

It now lives within,

His claws are on my neck.

Oh God,

Let me breathe.

Is it my fault?

Maybe it is.

I should worry less,

I should call for help.

Mamma, please, help.

Someone, please, help.

I scream,

It roars,

And somehow,

He roars so loud my yelling is not heard.

Did nobody hear that?

He is in my head,

His army of thoughts.

He is making me do things,

He is making me not do things.

He makes me worry,

He makes me think.

Your God

Inside.

Living deep

Into my mind.

I cry,

He laughs.

I laugh,

He's mad.

Don't move,

Sit still.

Don't breathe,

Don't live.

The illusion of control,

Something I can't think of.

I'm chained inside,

I'm caged outside.