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A MONOLOGUE FROM THE ONE YOU GHOSTED
(HugotSeminarista All Soul’s day special)
"Awwooo!" Sounds scary, right? But you know what, there is something more haunting than hearing a ghost’s sound. Well, it’s the idea of being ghosted.
The time you stopped talking to me was the time I also stopped breathing.
We’ve been friends since time immemorial. We have the same likes and dislikes, or maybe I got it wrong, maybe because it was the other way around? I wasn’t so sure. Because if we really had the same likes and dislikes then you should have liked me too, right? You should have loved me too. But what had happened was, I was left hanging onto, not your sweet promises because you never made one, but my own expectations.
If there’s one thing I’d asked of you, it would be the idea of not forgetting me. It has been months since we had our last long conversation. And it pains me a lot even up to these days because we had it the saddest way. We had a fight remember? That. Was. My. Last. Memory. With. You.
From having late night talks with you to having none.
From having sweet chats from you to having none.
Honestly, I miss your voice. I miss how your voice lingers in my ears. I miss listening to your same old stories even. I miss you.
If I could only go back in time…
but yeah, it will never be possible anymore because time, as they say, moves like that of the river waters. You will never touch the same water again. You will never be in the same time again.
If only I were intelligent enough to know the future, then I should not have confessed my feelings towards you. I should have kept it to myself. I should have preserved our ‘thing’. I should have felt contented with what we have as ‘friends’. And I should have stayed in the corner enjoying how sweet you are as my ‘friend’. But I chose not to. Because I thought you also had the same rush with me. If only I were patient enough to wait, then we'd finally be in the same rush, and have the same beats of heart.
If there’s one thing I am very certain of, it is that you made me feel something back then — that among all my boy friends, you’re the most caring. You never failed to make me smile. And It seemed like you wanted me to consider you as the one who most likely to be called as my boyfriend. Soon, having you in my life became a habit I could resist no more.
Little did you know, I actually had this weird feeling. It was a weird dilemma and it came to haunt me a lot. That was the time when I saw myself waiting for my phone to flicker and chime just for me to know that you’re calling. I looked forward to talking with you every night because doing it helped me forget my worries even just for a little while. In those times, you really made me feel like I am a part of your world. Though it scared me to admit it, but I had fallen hard for you. Maybe because no one has ever made me feel the way you do.
That time, I came to know that I was already blind. I was blinded by your efforts. Or should I call it “boy friend efforts” that can be synonymously compared to boyfriend duties?
I advised myself not to expect because maybe, you’re just doing it because you just want me to be happy.
You made me feel special unintentionally, most probably, that’s why you also became special to me. For in time, I felt it in my sweet tooth, this certainty that I had created for us in my head would be plotted in reality, not exactly the way I plotted it, hopefully even better. But little did I know, destiny had already written our story. On how it will start, and on how it will end.
As they say, not all things last forever, of course our ‘thing’ is not exempted. I knew it, our time together will soon come to an end.
And it did.
I thought I would never lose you as someone I call my 'bestfriend' — that our friendship would last forever.
I wasn't actually afraid of not having a long conversation with you anymore. What I am afraid of is that you'll end your connection with me.
But still, you did end it.
I know that you stopped talking to me not only because I excite you no more; I make you happy no more; I surprise you no more; and I affect you no more, but also because of something greater — your ministry.
Maybe destiny had its reason as to why we met, and as to why we parted ways.
Thank you for ghosting me, if not because of it then I think I would not be able to receive my real calling. A calling that is not from you anymore, but a calling that is from Him.
Don’t worry, I will always be praying for you, Bro. Eric Gustavio. Hoping that you’ll become a priest soon. . Cheers!
Not yours anymore but God’s, Sr. Maria Francine Ysabelle D. Falcon
