Gerard's P.O.V
I don't need to be here. I'm not meant to be here! I should be dead by now or in hospital at least. I wasn't lying. I DON'T lie. Ever. It bit me. Its fangs pierced my flesh and its tongue lapped up my blood. I can feel its venom course through my veins. I will become one of them and no one believes me to let me stop myself.
The door clanked open loudly on its rusted hinges and I grabbed my neck in an instant reflex. A doctor returned with another one. A needle. A cold sweat broke out on my face.
"Don't look so frightened Mr. Way, your all done, you can go. I assume group therapy should start soon, you should go to the cafeteria first while its still open. " The doctor smiled his fake plastic smile. I swallowed hard, nodded shakily and flew out the door as quick as I could without acquiring more unwanted attention. I felt to nauseous to eat now, but I have no where else to go in this sickening fake-happy place.
I took a tray and got in the queue , but quickly put it back and sat down at the last empty table empty handed. I gaze longingly john and the other workers with their morning coffee. How I miss my warm caffinated anti-drug. I don't deserve to be here. I'm not crazy. I wish they would just let me end this before it was too late. I'll never stop trying.
" Gerard, good to see you're back out of the infirmary" Laura Ansel smiled sitting across from me. Oh god. Here we go again. " Haven't you eaten? Gerard you have to stop this skipping meals!" Her voice raised. Damn psychiatrist thinks she's god, I have a dietician too but Ansel is just the worst, at everything. I don't look at her eyes once, my eyes strangely fixated on her necklace. A cross. I feel myself stumble back slightly and stand. " Gerard you better be going to get something to eat." She raised an eyebrow.
A bell rings, signalling the end of our eating time and the beginning of group therapy. I wince as Ansel takes my arm, her necklace swinging dangerously close to me before returning to her chest.
"No getting out of this one Gerard" I've been known to try and hide from or sneak out of these meetings. I don't need them. I just need a pistol or a stake so I can end this madness now. I don't want this. I want to remove the venom and the only way is to die.
I sit uncomfortably in an ugly blue plastic chair. Nobody sits beside me till the other seats are taken. I've been told once that I scare them. I don't care.
" Well everyone its nice to see you all today" Ansel beamed. I rolled my eyes. It really isn't all that nice and she knows it. " We have a new addition to our circle today, come on in" she beckons to a guy I hadn't bothered to notice standing by the door. I don't bother with most people here. I don't have to.
The boy steps forward out of the door way.
My heart. It stopped beating. I can feel every pigment of colour drain from my already pale face.
" No, don't do it!" I yell, my voice unsteady. I breathe every breath so deeply I squeeze my lungs too much, taking every ounce of air, and then drawing it all back in. Knocking over my chair and I scramble to the furthest corner of the room. I press my back up against the wall, gripping its cold flat surface with my shaky, sweating hands. I shudder uncontrollably and my mouth goes dry. I sense all eyes on me.
The boy stands there, his hazel eyes wide and his raven hair almost standing on end. He bites his lip so hard he almost tears out the ring pierced into it. He falls back a few paces.
I don't feel my legs as I fall, sliding down the wall and crossing my arms over my chest.
"Gerard!?" Ansel's brown shoes patter over to where I'm curled up, breathing heavy, sweating and shivering in its icy chill. " Gerard what's wrong?"
I look up for a brief moment. My throat constricts and I let out a strange gasp as the cross is the first thing I see. Its the only thing I see. Blackened crosses, every where. I shake my head frantically from one side to the other desperately. I have to unsee them. They are all I see everywhere. His face, crosses. His face crosses and blood.
I hear voices again but real ones this time. They mention ' anxiety disorder' and 'I don't know how to help him anymore' and another name that I dint catch.
Soon enough they resuscitate me. I am lying in the infirmary again. I always am. Never usually such a brutal attack. It wasn't the first to put me here but it was the hardest to endure. Can't these people see the pain they force me through!? There's no knowing what will trigger my next phase. They should have ended me a long time ago. They should have let me end me a long time ago.
The usual doctor stands over me accompanied by Ansel of course, but somehow her necklace was lost along the way. I lick my dry, cracked lips.
" Let me go" I plead quietly. " Just let me die"
" Don't worry Gerard, I'll save you if its the last thing I do" Ansel tried to comfort me, only making me feel worse. I don't deserve to be saved from this poison. I also don't deserve to live another day of this death.
'You can't.' I say silently, losing my strength to talk. 'Not unless you let me go'
