grudge | daiharu

five

the shallow yet vigorous breaths of two individuals came together as if they were grape vines intertwining with one another along with the tinted traces of peach being dusted across their cheeks in a dark shade. 

the shiver that ran down haru's spine upon the contact of his partner's tongue sucking harshly on his own made the usual savage and charismatic haru katou's legs to give out as his body slid down the bathroom door, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

"should we continue this at a more appropriate place?" the youth who seemed to be in his early twenties asked while clasping his arms tightly around haru's slender waist before hoisting the elder male up to his feet again.

haru didn't respond. instead, he grabbed the boy's loose necktie and crashed his own lips on the latter's once again, kissing him like his life depended on it with haru grinding himself against the other all the while.

"either fuck me now or get out." haru mumbled and proceeded to strip in front of the stranger he had just hooked up with 30 minutes ago at the bar he'd always went to and there they were, already getting ready to have sex in the bar's bathroom. 

the boy seemed flabbergasted at haru's straightforwardness but nevertheless began sucking and nibbling on all the places that his mouth could reach on haru's body, leaving sloppy marks all over haru's chalky skin. 

"hurry up and put it in." haru grunted, turning around so that his hole was on full display. 

and the boy whose name haru didn't even bother to remember gulped before slowly thrusting into haru. the clear sound of skin slapping and the boy's moans of pleasure soon filled the empty bathroom. but on contrary to the one fucking him, haru felt empty; absolutely nothing, no pleasure, no thrill or whatsoever. 

"hey, stop it." haru huffed while pushing the boy and his erected penis away. 

now the boy was truly baffled as he watched haru swiftly put his clothes back on before leaving with a click of the door behind him. poor guy, he was left with a boner and on top of that, pre-cum was leaking out from its tip.

the breeze was rather sharp despite it being the middle of the night but haru could care less with it grazing against his bare skin. the minimal effort he could put in to make himself a little warmer was to wrap the trench coat he was wearing around his body tighter, though his attempt didn't do much.

for the past one month, haru had been living a life of picking up and discarding men; whoever that perked even a pinch of his interest was given the chance to fuck him but none of them ever worked out. no matter how ecstatic the sex was, haru felt like the hole in his chest had never been filled, not even a little bit.

he wasn't sex deprived nor was he originally the type to sleep with various men because he knew deep down, he only carried out his current lifestyle of partner-switching to achieve the warmth that he wanted, that he needed. 

and he also knew that only one person could provide him with the warmth that he'd longed for, the type of warmth where he could sleep in forever without worrying about anything. 

often after his one-night stands, haru found himself wandering the streets of the neighborhood where daisuke's apartment was located. that little cozy space used to be all they ever needed; it was the place where they could run home into each other's arms after a hectic day at work. from making love to doing the laundry to baking cookies at midnight; they did everything in that small love nest of theirs. 

but no matter how many times haru had passed by, in hopes of at least seeing the faint silhouette of his ex lover by the curtains of the bedroom they shared, all that ever welcomed him during his lonely and hopeful nights was darkness from inside. 

haru was sober that night when his feet automatically took him to the entrance of the apartment. the melancholy was still ringing loudly throughout his entire being as he lifted his head to find the window where he used to admire the setting sun before. 

a small laugh escaped his lips. "haha, of course he's not going to be there today either." he said to himself. 

and he sat himself down on the pavement across the building. there were barely any cars or passers-by since it was nearly 4 am in the morning as haru stared at darkness that never seemed to end beyond that window. 

on that particular night, although he had his coat clinging securely against his skin, haru katou felt as cold and as miserable as ever. he hugged himself and silently wept into his knees amidst the cold and moonless night, drowning in the sadness he'd created for himself.

"the one that was here with me, your warmth; i'll forget it someday, hopefully."

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