grudge | daiharu

six

"hey, you know how much i hate hearing my own voice through the phone so if i messed up recording this darned message, then deal with, okay? i didn't really expect our last conversation to be like this, one-sided and me merely talking to a stupid lousy voice recorder. i can't even see your reaction once you hear the sappy shit i'm about to say. man, this sucks." 

he chuckled lightheartedly afterwards. 

"well, what has to be said had been out and done the day you kicked me out of your apartment. it kinda hurts reminiscing about it."

he chuckled again. this time, with his melancholy seeping through the recorder and into the room around daisuke. 

"y'know, how that day was our last day together and all. to be honest, i was desperate for you to beg me to stay that night. i wasn't planning to leave you at dawn and i didn't meet up with anyone before coming to you that night either. i guess it was just a childish excuse just so i could see your face again."

even though they were nowhere near to each other now, daisuke could visualize him saying everything with the saddest smile etched on his face as he forces himself to choke back the tears before he finishes recording. 

"but that's not really the point now, is it? our relationship was beyond repair at that time anyways. the whole reason i'm recording this is to tell you that i'm moving to the states. i don't know when i'll be back and i don't know what i'm going to do there either. thinking of conversing in a foreign language already hurts my fucking head."

and he laughed. a laugh that only daisuke kambe could comprehend what it meant. his type of dry laughter meant that he was really reluctant and probably loathed his own plan of moving. 

then he took a deep breath. the heaviness and morose that came with the exhalation afterwards was something anyone with empathy could sense. it wasn't his plan to hide his reluctance from anyone anyways, especially not the person he still loves so endlessly and brokenly.

"i've already quit the division so don't bother going back there to ask around about me. it made me think a lot when i gave my resignation letter to yukihiro-san. thoughts like 'if only i handed this paper scribbled with my messy handwriting in earlier, would our first argument into the relationship be prevented?' and 'would things have been better if we didn't even argue in the first place and if fights didn't led to fights?'."

no, how many times do i have to tell you that it was my fault? if only i had been more understanding of your passion towards being detective.

right. none of this 'right or wrong' crap matters now. mistakes have been made; ones that cannot be amended for.

"well yeah, happy moving on! and send my love to your new lover, alright? male or female, treat them better."

tears of two star-crossed lovers glistened under the waning moonlight as they exchanged their final farewells through the red string of fate that threaded their hearts together. the strain in haru's voice as he said the final words of his goodbye was unbearable and he began sobbing uncontrollably into the wretched recorder. 

"i love you, daisuke kambe."

silence enveloped daisuke's abyss of darkness but there he was, sitting in the middle of it all, begging for more of haru's voice to play from the device he was squeezing so tightly in his fist. 

❨ proofread ❩

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a/n: hi! this is my first author's note in this entire book. i just wanna say thank you for taking the time to read, vote, comment and even adding this book to your reading lists. i love you all so much. this book is coming to an end soon, thank you for the overwhelming support <3