Death May Disagree

Chapter 12

For the second time since the Valentine's Day dare, I don't pass up the opportunity to be next to Milo. I don't wait until he pulls out a spare pillow and blanket for himself on the floor to tell him I don't want to sleep alone on his bed. He accommodates my request with gentleness, getting under the covers with my curled up body. Milo doesn't spoon me too closely at first, and I think he's as nervous as I am about our positions. After a while, we ease up against each other's bodies and fall asleep.

I wake up alone to the brightness of noon, and drive back to my dorm in a daze. I had felt Milo's breath on my skin throughout the early indigo morning, laid unmoving at his side so all my energies could vibe with his. I try to commit his room to memory, but my sense of touch overcomes the layout I've seen, and the electrifying power of having Milo so close disregards all furniture that isn't the bed. But on top of all that, Milo's respectfulness stands, and if it wasn't possible to love him more than I did yesterday, then I've done the impossible.

"Thanks for letting me spend the night," I tell Milo on the phone later that evening.

"Of course. You're welcome anytime," he says.

I laugh. "When did that privilege first become available to me?"

"I don't know. How long have we known each other?"

I smile, even though he can't see it. "Not long enough."

I notice that I feel less anxious going into finals week, even feeling ecstatic as I knock them out one after the other. Tristan started making spring break plans for us to go to a rave, which I'm really looking forward to and hoping a lot of us can come. Natasha and Olivia opt out of going because they've spent all their money on a music festival in April, and Fiona and Ethan decline on account of having strict parents. My own conversation with Mom, whose involvement in my life has been correctional so far, went something like this:

"Where are you going?" she asks when I tell her I'm not driving back home for spring break.

"To a rave with my friends," I tell her.

Silence. I imagine she's nodding her head and pursing her lips for those few seconds before speaking. "I see. Can't you guys do something less dangerous?"

I roll my eyes. "What's so dangerous about a rave?"

"People do drugs there. You don't know how they're going to act or what they're going to push on you. Of course, I'm not saying you shouldn't go if all your friends will be going, but if there's somewhere else you can go, then they should want to follow."

"I'm not the leader of the group. And besides, we'll be safe," I assure her.

"You're not going to ask to go somewhere else?"

"No."

Silence again. "You're not taking drugs, are you?"

"If I didn't, would you still be taking an interest in my life?"

Mom scolds me after that, emphasizing the words "not strict" to describe herself and "disobedient" to describe me. I block both descriptions out of my ears.

On the last day of finals week, I get a call from Demi's number, but a different female voice comes through the speaker. "It's Denise," says the voice. She asks me to come over to Lambda Theta Alpha at my soonest convenience because Demi is inconsolably upset. Olivia, having finished with her finals the day before, gets the same call and arrives thirty minutes before I do. One of Demi's sorority sisters points me in the direction of Demi's room, and when I knock on the door, Denise answers.

"What happened?" I ask when I get over the initial shock of standing face-to-face once again with Milo's ex.

"It's Jason," says Denise. "They had a fight and Demi screamed at him."