Man, Who Would Have Thought? (Male Reader Insert!)

A New Car, Hopefully

I sit there in the middle of class, twiddling with my thumbs as I listen to my pears boring presentations. But as much as I despise this class, I'm going to have to deal with it.

Why, might you ask?

Because my brother Sam and I are going to be getting our first car

Hopefully

And yes, you heard me right. Car, not plural, singular. Which means we are going to have to share it.

But now, all I can do is wait and pray to any and every god out there that my beloved brother doesn't fuck up our presentation.

"Okay, next up is Sam Witwicky..."

Speak of the devil

I look to my right, watching Sam scramble out of his seat, heading to the front of the class. I continue to watch in disdain as he drops some of our grandfathers stuff upon the podium, hopefully not breaking anything.

"Heh, sorry, I got a lot of stuff" small snickers could be heard around the classroom, slowly extinguishing my dreams of getting that car. "For my Family-". Before he could finish, A rubber band was thrown at my brother hitting him right between his eyes. Instantly, I sent a death stare to Trent, one of Sam's many bullies. The class burst out in all sorts of mocking laughter, whispering among themselves.

"Who did...Who did that? People! Responsibility!" our teacher called, slamming his ruler on a students desk

"So, for my family genealogy report, I decided to do it on our great-great-grandfather, who was a famous man, Captain Archibald Witwicky. Very famous explorer. In fact, He was one of the first to explore the Arctic Circle, which is a big deal. In 1897, he took 41 brave sailors straight into the Arctic Shelf."

Sam goes to grab some of our Grandfathers tools, fumbling with them slightly

"And here is the quadrant, which you can get for 80 bucks"

He did not just-

"It's all for sale, by the way"

I'm Going to Kill him

I put my head in my hands, shaking it slightly in exasperation

"Like the sextant here. $50 for this, which is a bargain. And these-"

He raises another one of our family's artifacts, Archibald's glasses

"These are pretty cool. These are my grandfathers glasses. I haven't quite gotten them appraised yet, but they've seen many cool things"

"What, are you going to try and sell me his liver next? Mr. Witwicky, this isn't show and sell. It's the 11th grade. I don't think your grandfather would be particularly proud of what you're doing." Our teacher raises his eyebrows slightly, a distasteful look on his face.

"I know. I'm sorry. I just, you know, this is all going towards my car fund."

You can kiss that dream goodbye

Sam turns his attention back to the class "You can tell your folks. It's on eBay. I take PayPal. Cold hard cash works, too"

"Sam!" I call.

"Sorry! Anyways, Unfortunately my great-great-grandfather, the genius that he was, wound up going blind and crazy in a psych ward, drawing these strange symbols and babbling on about some giant ice man that he thought he'd discovered-" Before he could finish the bell ring, causing all the students to pack up and make their leave.

"Okay. Might be a pop quiz tomorrow. Might not. Sleep in fear tonight!" our teacher yelled, pointing at a few particular students as they left.

"Here, you want? Here, 50. 40? 30?"

I facepalm at my brothers antics, grabbing my stuff and heading up front and smacking Sam upside the head.

"Really Sam? Selling our grandfathers stuff? Real smooth."

"Sorry! Sorry." He flinches slightly, turning his attention to our teacher anyway. "My presentation, pretty good right?"

I give Sam a 'Really?!' look. He waves me off, shaking his head.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"I'd give it a solid B-"

"A B-!?"

"You were hawking your great-grandfathers crap in my classroom. No kids enjoy-"

My brother cuts him off

"Look, can you do me a favor?"

"What?" came the exasperated reply of our teacher

"Can you look out the window for a second? You see my father? He's the guy in the green car."

"Yeah."

"Okay, I wanna tell you about a dream. Two Boys' dream, along with that man's promise to those boys"

So, he's pulling this card?

"He looked us in the eye. He said 'Kids, I'm going to buy you a car. But I want each of you to bring me 1 grand and 3 A's each, okay?' We already got 2 grand and 5 A's. Just image that dream. Your B-. Dreams gone. Kaput. Sir, just ask yourself, what would Jesus do?"

Oh my GOD

__

"Yes! Yes! Yes!"

Sam runs out of the school with short bursts of speed, I follow him with the same goofy grin

"I can't believe it! You actually convinced him! With the Jesus talk no less!"

"Right?!"

Both Sam and I walk up to our fathers car, laughing like lunatics as we get in.

"So?"

"I got an A+" I smile victoriously, puffing out my chest with pride

"That-a Boy!" our dad turns his attention to Sam, and expectant look on his face "well? Your turn, let me see."

Sam smiles and starts waving his paper in our dads face, matching the smile I once held "A-. It's an A though."

"Wait, wait, wait. I can't see." Dad grabs the graded paper, getting a good look at it "It's an A."

"Yes!" Sam and I yell simultaneously, high-fiving.

___

The ride to the dealership was quite aside from the minor conversations here and there between Sam and dad. I mainly read one of my books on Wattpad.

"I got a little surprise for you Boys." Our dad smiles at Sam, a smirk of my own finding its way onto my facial features, knowing exactly what that 'Surprise' was.

"What kind of......"

"Just a little surprise" Dad drives towards a Porsche dealership, his smile growing

"No. No, no, no, no. Dad!" a look of pure excitement crosses Sams face but completely disappears when the car makes a sharp right, completely passing the dealership.

"Oh, you got to be kidding me!" He yells in disdain, throwing his hands in the air.

"Yeah, I am. You're not getting a Porsche."

"You should have seen your face!" I burst out laughing, clutching my stomach tightly.

Sam sharply turns to me, a glare set on his face "You think thats funny?"

"Yeah, I think its hilarious" I give him a lopsided grin.

"What is wrong with you both?"

"Everything Sammy, everything"

Sam gives me an incredulous look, scowling heavily. "Know what? I don't want to talk to either of you for the rest of this whole thing!"

"Oh, come on Sammy? It was a practical joke! "

"Not a funny joke" He mumbles, crossing his arms and pouting

"Oh, come on Sam, lighten up. And look, we are already at.....the.......dealership?" My words slow as a 'WTF' look crosses my features as I gaze out the window at the car lot "Dad, I know you're cheap, but this is a new low".

Our dad pulls up and parks the car, both Sam and I get out of the car quickly, looking around

"Here?! No, no, no, what is this? You said half a car, not half a piece of crap, dad." He scowls, kicking a nearby tire.

"As much as I hate to admit it, I agree with Sam on this one" I point at Sam, giving our dad the same look

"Oh, come on kids, I would have wanted a car with 4 tires at least. And remember, No sacrifice-"

"No victory" we say simultaneously "we know dad"

"Exactly! Now, lets get you kids a car" our dad smiles, pulling my brother and me into a tight bear hug. We walk into the lot more, being greeted by a middle-aged man.

"Hello gentleman and........lady?."

I scowl, looking at the man distastefully.

What the Hell?! I'm not even that feminine looking. Seriously, ouch dude

"Names Bobby Bolivia. How may I help you on this fine day?" The man named Bobby greeted us loudly as him and my dad shake hands.

"Well you see my kids want to buy their first car. This is (y/n) and Sam, my two boys"

"You came to see me?!" Bobby questioned, a look of surprise crossing his features.

"We had to" Sam and I mumbled simultaneously

"Well that practically makes us family! Uncle Bobby B, baby. Uncle Bobby B!" he pulls me and Sam into a tight hug, leading us through the many dirt ridden cars, if you could even call them that.

"Now kids, let me explain something. The car picks its driver, it's a mystical bond between man and machine" Bobby explains. As he kept talking my attention became captivated by this beautiful yellow and black 1976 Chevy Camaro.

"Woah.........." My sudden interception drew the attention of both my brother and Bobby as we start heading towards the vehicle.

"I like it" Sam says as I get into the drivers seat, and he gets into the passengers

"Wow.........." I lightly glide my fingers over the steering wheel, clearing some dust off the leather as the car shudders slightly.

Wait

Shudders?!

I look around in surprise, thinking it might have been my imagination

"Did you turn on the heater? It just got like 100 degrees in here"

I roll my eyes, shaking my head "No.....I didn't"

Our dad makes his way over, looking at our choice in a ride "How much?"

"Well, considering the semi-classic nature of the vehicle, with its slick wheels and the custom paint job-"

"But the paints faded" Sam interjects

"Yeah buts its still custom"

"Its custom faded?" I stopped listening after that, looking over the steering wheel. I narrow my eyes slightly, rubbing the dirt off the center to reveal some strange symbol.

"Five grand?!" I get woken up from my trance like state by one of Sams shear yells, looking up from the strange symbol.

"Nope, I'm not paying over 4, sorry" our dad shakes his head slightly in confirmation motioning for us to get out

Sam sighs in defeat, getting out. I don't move at all, not losing any ground. Bobby looks at me "Girly, come on, get out. Get out of the car"

"First off, I'm Not A GIRL! Second off No! I mean, didn't you say cars pick their drivers like 5 minutes ago!" I cross my arms.

"Well yes, but...but sometimes they pick a driver with a cheap-ass father. Out of the car." Bobby motions me out again, turning towards a row of dirty and rusted out cars "Now this one here is four Gs is a beaut. There's a Fiesta with racing stripes over there."

"No! I don't want a Fiesta with racing stripes." I shake my head, not budging.

"Come on kid, there are plenty of good cars here, so get out, and we can loo-" Bobby was cut off when the Camaro's door he was attempting to open hit him in the junk, knocking the man into the beetle beside us and creating a large dent

"Holy cow..." Came my brothers short reply, both our eyes widening immensely as we stare at the scene in front of us.

Bobby laughs "No, no, no. No worries. I'll get a sledgehammer and knock this right out. Hey, Hey, Manny!" said man turned towards bobby with a look of confusion written on his face "Get your clown cousin and get some hammers. Come bang this stuff out baby!" He motions to the extremely large dent.

".:Get- Down:."

My head snaps to the radio in surprise

"What-" I was cut off by an extremely high-pitched screech coming from the Camaro's radio. I cover my ears tightly, watching as many of the cars windows shatter completely.

"$4,000!" Bobby yells, shakily holding up 4 fingers.

Our dad turns to us "Kids, looks like you got yourselves a car"

"Yes!" me and Sam yell in victory, high-fiving as soon as he gets in the passenger door

"I'll take care of the paperwork, get yourselves home safe."

"We will!" Sam yells, waving goodbye to our dad.

I pull out of the parking lot with a huge smile across my face "Thanks for sealing the deal Bee" I nod towards the radio. The car rumbles in response, causing an even bigger smile to take over my features.

"Bee? Really? You've already named it?" Sam looks at me in astonishment.

"Him, Sammy Boy, him. And yes, I did name him"

"Him, sure, whatever, but Why Bee though?"

"Because of the little sign on the rearview mirror" I point my head towards the sign, the words Bee-otch in big bold letters

"Aright, its official, your insane" we both laugh, the car going into a comfortable silence for the rest of the ride

___

Word count: 2,024