Man, Who Would Have Thought? (Male Reader Insert!)

Punching A Governmental Agent In The Face Feels Surprisingly Fulfilling

"What In The Absolutely Fuck Is Going On"

This is definitely NOT what I was expecting to walk into.

Let me paint a picture for you. A very ugly, tall, and slightly rat like man standing in your living room with a bunch of heavily armed guards at his sides while the rest searched and wrecked your house, detaining anything that they thought was a threat. And apparently to them, a small, scrawny, and slightly disgruntled chihuahua counts as a threat. Anyways, said rat like man was taking your brother and his all time crush away in handcuffs, both of them kicking and screaming as your mom threatens them with her blue flowered baseball bat.

Yeah

Weird

"There's the twin! Tag him and bag him boys!" The Rat man snapped his fingers at two guards standing to his left before pointing at me.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't I at least- WHAT THE HELL! Watch your hands bootyhole man!" I shouted as one of the guards attempted to handcuff me.

Key word, Attempted.

I reeled my foot forward before driving it into the males nether regions. Hard. He let out a gasp of pain before dropping me, myself taking the moment to book it; but alas the world seemed to hate me because just as I was about to make it out of the door three more heavily armed guards came in, one of which pulled out a taser and jabbed my hurt arm with it.

Yes. A Taser.

"Son of a BIT-" My shout of pain was cut short by the feeling of my face meeting rough leather as the guards picked me up and threw me into the car with Mikeala and Sam. I let out a small groan as I sit up, rubbing my head.

"Hey welcome to the party (n/n)" my brother replied distastefully, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah SO happy to be here" I shot back, giving him a quick glare before sitting up. Mikeala shifts over slightly before motioning to the seat next to her. I quickly shift to the spot, thanking the female.

"So, anyone got any type of idea as to why we just got kidnapped by a rat in a suit?" I quip, looking at the two expectantly.

When you talk about the rat, the rat will always come because before either of them could reply the man got into the car, sitting in the seat across from us.

The vehicle started moving and not a word was said, the three of us glancing at each other as Ratman read something in a folder labeled 'Classified.'

"So" he started, closing the folder before looking up at us. "Which one of you has an eBay account with the name LadiesMan127?" The man glanced at us but mainly focused his attention on Sam.

"Um I.....Uh.......Y-yeah that's me but, you know, it was a typo and I-uh I just ran with it" my brother made a flimsy attempt not to embarrass himself and honestly it made me wonder how the hell we were related.

"Yeah, whatever you tell yourself kid." He rolled his eyes before continuing. "what do you make of this?" Ratman pulls out some sort of tape recorder, pushing a few buttons before starting the recordings playback.

"My name is Sam Witwicky, okay? And my..." the sound of my brothers cringy goodbye message fills the vehicle as both Mikaela and I look over at said male, the glare on our faces completely identical.

"Yeah, that sounds like LadiesMan127" Mikaela spat, rolling her eyes at my brother.

Ratman completely ignored her "Last night at the station, you told the officer your car transformed." He paused, knitting his non-existent eyebrows together. "Enlighten me"