Harry and Me (A Comedy/Harry Styles Fan Fiction)

please no one take anything seriously im not ebing racist or anyting im just trying to be funny to the best of my ability and i am not being mean to harry styles i think he is awesome just claire doesnt haha so thanks for reading

My name is Claire Bellington, and I am sixteen years old.

And I am pregnant.

Yeah, yeah, yeah don't give me a lecture. I'm already having a hard time as it is. I've been eating those damn Korean cup noodles everyday for the past four months and I feel like breaking wind every fifteen seconds. When I go number 2, I need to call the number 911. Yes, my constipation is THAT bad. When I look in the mirror, I scream because I see a hideous monster before my eyes. My breath smells like fiesta beans and my teeth are yellowing faster than Speedy Gonzalez. And its all because of that dag-nabbed British idiot, Harry Styles. Well, not really.

For all those fools who are so "I'm Convinced I'm Mrs. Styles" stabbing me through the computer right now, get over it. Besides, I'm innocent. We are done. It was actually perfect timing because he and his other minions had to leave to France to sing. It blows my mind on why they go all around the world to perform. I mean, what are those foreign people, posers? Its not like they all know English. They're probably just trying to mouth thewords, revealing their cavities and humiliating themselves. No offense.

I guess I'm just mad because I'm nearly six months pregnant and i'm living inhouse no better than a smelly shack. My parents think I'm disgusting so they kicked me out and now I'm stuck in a two room apartment with a bathroom that's toilet is currently not functioning. I keep forgetting, so I have been using the plunger more than I would like. Let me tell you that when you having a fetus in your belly youre ppop is more high matinence.

Ok I am a liar.

The baby is not Harrys. It is a dirty old boy named Morgan's. I just blamed it on Harry because he broke my heart. Besides, the baby probably looks nothing like Harry. It probably inherited Morgan's unibrow and snaggletooth. We broke up because Harry denied the baby. He said it was Morgan's. (Morgan was my ex) I said,

"NO, YOU IDIOT THE BABY IS YOURS!!!"

After that, Harry just stood their, taking a deeeep British breath. He came close to me, and patted my back.

"Claire, you are an amazing girl. I would love to help you with the baby, but after you called me an idiot, I feel as if you do not like me."

"I DONT, YOU IMBECILE! YOU RUINED MY LIFE!"

"Well. Then I must go." Harry said, giving me one last look. He picked up his bags and left the house. After that, I tortured myself by listening to Mike Posner for three hourse straight. Its been six months since I've seen Harry, and I look like a fat woman. I've been counting down the days until this baby comes out. The doctors projected that it would be February, and I sure hope so. Its early November, and I'm so lonely now that my Christian friends dont like me anymore. Want to know why? I dressed up as a nun for Halloween. Yeah, yeah, yeah don't give me a lecture.

Unfortunately, Morgan has been calling me nonstop. I have changed my number, and now I am finally starting to relax. Then, I hear my phone BING!

I checked my phone, realizing that Harry has just posted a tweet. Yes, I do look at his tweets. Sometimes I cry because I miss him, and sometimes I laugh at his stupidity. But this tweet made stop cold.

These are one of the many moments where I think of her. I miss her so, so much.

I hear myself gulp. Is he talking about me. I stare at my mirror. I see a tall (5'8) girl with long, light ginger hair. My skin is dotted with freckles, and my tired eyes were sage green. I sigh, and I place my hand in the mirror, staring at myself. I now see that I'm not as hideous today now that I took the time to wash my face and buy some good quality mascara instead of my 99 cent crap in a tube. My thinking was interrupted with a kick from the baby. I groan, grabbing my belly in pain.