NOSTALGIA. － p.sh + k.hj

+ 09

the first time the idea had formed itself and reared its head within the cage of his mind, hongjoong did what he could to tame the wild creature and lock it away. it proved unlikely this would ever happen, when the thought grew ever more insistent and present.

he'd see a girl in a pretty dress and feel a concoction of jealousy and wonderment brew within him, a desire to know whether it would look as good on him as it did on her. he'd see their blouses and ballerina pumps and envision himself wearing them.

such a way of thinking was inevitable, a torment to his restless mind that would spend nights awake and days fidgeting, until it got obvious enough that seonghwa began to ask questions.

they were alone － as they usually were － in the town's park, sitting in the circular contraption they had successfully climbed to the top of. hongjoong was silent, dazedly watching as clouds dragged by across the pink sky, and seonghwa sighed, a hand lifting to set itself upon the smaller one of the former.

hongjoong startled, looked to him with rounded eyes.

"what's wrong?"

the brunet froze, partially still lost in thought and head trying to return to its place between his shoulders as quickly as it could. he shook it.

"nothing."

his voice cracked, he heard it, and seonghwa gave him an almost pitying smile.

"is it because of your parents again?" he tried to ask as soothingly as he could, "or is your brother back to doing coke?"

hongjoong dipped his chin to his chest, a soft puff of air leaving his parted lips.

"no," he hesitated, "it's about me."

at the words, seonghwa hummed and shifted along the bar so that his side rubbed against that of the younger, hand then worming its fingers between those of hongjoong and fastening around them.

"what is it?"

it was a mix of the intensity of the delicate touch and the words that were bubbling at the tip of his tongue that made hongjoong's heart drum within his ears and rattle his ribs, but the birds that chirped and the sky that ebbed into an infinite ocean of plum cream contrasted his inner-state of turmoil.

"i . . ." he choked on the next syllable, sight dropping to the padded ground metres below his dangling feet, and seonghwa held onto his hand tighter.

"i want to wear skirts and dresses like girls."

an infinitesimal pause and seonghwa's lips were sweetly curled, head peering forward to meet hongjoong's eyes which peeled open after briefly having been squeezed shut.

"that's alright," seonghwa said in a hushed tone, prior to taking a moment to contemplate, "are you a girl?"

hongjoong tensely swished his head － speech required far too much in that moment during which his entire, thin frame quivered like a dying leaf that barely held on to a dry branch in winter.

"hm, okay," seonghwa assured, smile never dissipating, something that held hongjoong's attention whilst his innards contorted with a quelling fear, "you'd look great in a dress, i think."

the older then slowly rose his right hand, giving hongjoong the chance to pull away, and proceeded to sweep the smaller's fringe to the side.

"you'd be even . . . prettier."

hongjoong picked up on the apprehension that stitched the word, the way seonghwa was testing it out on his lips to see if the former liked it, and hongjoong smiled, albeit shakily.

"thanks, hwa."

and it was possibly one of the most nerve-wrecking and frightening things he'd ever done, but it became one of his best memories as seonghwa spent the next hour casually chatting with the younger about what kind of clothes he'd like to have,
all because there was you.

》》》

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