Dinner was, to say the least, interesting. Well… no; dinner wasn’t interesting. All of a sudden controlling fire; that was interesting. Dinner was just plain awkward. The invasion had just finished and we started our feast. People we’re laughing, singing, dancing. What passed for dancing, anyway. Nearly everybody was drunk except for me, Galvax, Levi and Leona. Though, I could see Levi getting just a wee bit tipsy. Levi drunk was an interesting sight. It’s like he turns into what he thinks is a ladies’ man. He’d hang all over women and try to talk to them but just end up looking at their boobs. He’d done that to about every woman in our battalion; Leona was the only one he hadn’t done that too. I saw Levi guzzle another pint of beer, scan the room for Leona and make a bee line right in her direction. In about a minute Levi’s world was gonna go from protecting me and killing men to being Leona’s triple D boobs (I think that’s what you humans call them) in front of his face; and about twenty or so punches and kicks to the nuts. Levi made it to Leona’s table. Things were about to get more awkward.
“Leeeeona!” Levi called out in a drunken slur. “Yoooooou need to get over here!” Levi pointed to the ground where he stood.
Leona looked at him with a looked at him in shock. She hadn’t known Levi to talk like that to anyone. Obviously she hadn’t seen him knock out drunk before; and he was getting there. Leona’s friend Jess put a hand on her shoulder.
“Leona, honey, be careful. Sober Levi is actually pretty cute. Drunken Levi is a different story.”
“Jess, I know how to handle a drunk. I’ve heard enough stories about Levi to know what to do.” Leona pulled her on her shirt a little and shimmied her shoulders back and forth until it looked like her boobs were gonna pop out of her shirt.
“Hand me your overcoat, Jess?”
“Oh this is gonna be good.”
Now, I know Levi’s ‘drunk tactics’ pretty well. But looking at this situation, Leona’s got a counter strategy ready. I looked over to who she was sitting with; Jess; the one girl that Levi always ended up flirting with last when he was drunk. No one seemed to know why. Yes, she had boobs and yes, she had a gorgeous face. But a normal drunk man wouldn’t go for her last. Normally she’s the life of the party through drunken men’s eyes. She’d be approached from every, and I mean every angle with guys asking for a dance, or for a good time. I’ve been guilty of it myself, but like I said before, she was always first choice. Levi and Leona met in the middle of the tent.
“Can I help you, Levi?” Leona asked sarcastically.
“Uh...” Levi began, “Uuuuuuuh”
I could tell Levi was having trouble thinking remember his famous drunk pick up line. Probably the worst in existence. Ever. Of all time.
“Oh! I remember now! Okay” Levi held up one finger, signaling for Leona to not walk away.
“Alright then, speak!” Leona said flirtatiously.
Levi exhaled. “I like the way you look. Mind if I invade your—“
Leona didn’t give Levi the chance to finish. She took hold of her overcoat and through it behind her. Levi’s jaw immediately dropped to his stomach and his eyes darted downward.
“Sorry, what was that?” Leona asked
“I’d like to invade your… your…”
Levi couldn’t make words. His drunken brain was too mesmerized by the beauty in front of him. Leona just stood there, letting him stare. I was impressed; it’d been at least three minutes and he hasn’t gotten—
