Your Guardian Angel (GirlXGirl)

Chp. 30

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JENSON’S POV-

I was frantic, completely chaotic when Riley told me she was going to show up. Why this night of all nights? The night where I was completely broken? The night I decided to self harm again?

Riley knew I had been a self harmer before, but it was a long time ago when my dad left and my sister died. She had seen the scars, and now I was going to have to play it cool even though my wrist was burning.

But it felt so…right.

The last couple of weeks after Jake’s death… I had gone insane. It hurt losing someone that close… it reminded me of losing my sister, even though losing her was more traumatic. The depression would fade when I was with Riley though, which I never understood, but I accepted it. Any way I could get relief I wanted it, that’s why I was constantly in her company.

I answered the door, Riley had something on her mind, she was upset, I could just read it all over her face. I tilted my head, “You ok?”

She clenched her jaw, studying me, “Yea, let me in, the rain is freezing.”

I pulled her in, and then her arms were wrapped around me, the embrace was sudden, but I accepted it. The attachment between me and Riley had grown stronger… I had to admit that, I could just feel it. The need for her… well, that had also escalated.

She looked down at me, “Can we go upstairs?”

I nodded, trying to remember if I cleaned up the bathroom, then remembering… I hadn’t cleaned the sink.

It was still full of blood.

I tried to hide the anxiety I was feeling, Oh God please… don’t let Riley find it… We walked into my room and Riley looked at me, then my bathroom, making my heart stop, “I need to pee real quick.”

After that, everything happened in slow motion.

Riley took a step toward my bathroom, sending me into a panic, causing me to grab her wrist, pulling up my sleeve, revealing the bandages. Her eyes first caught the gauze, then my eyes, “What is that..?”

I gulped, “Riley…”

She snapped her head to my bathroom, seeing the crimson red sink and then turning back to me, “Jenson… please don’t tell me…”

Then I broke, the tears came pouring, and I couldn’t stop. Riley’s arms wrapped around me, practically holding me up because I was so weak with pain and loss of blood. She held me, then sat me slowly on my bed, “Jenson it’s ok… it’ll be ok, please, just breathe… I’m here.”

The pain in my heart, as it always did with Riley, eventually started to fade. I felt relief, then I let out a sigh, but even though the pain was subsiding, I continued to sob.

She stroked her hand through my hair, rocking me back and forth as if I was a child, “Jenson… it’ll be ok…”

Her voice sounded more sad this time, as if my depression had rubbed off on her, and I felt bad. I was driving her insane, she was scared for me, and I was worrying her more. As if she didn’t have enough to worry about, me, her dad in Iran, her own depression… and I was making it worse because of my own weakness and selfishness.

Her gray blue eyes found my bloodshot ones, and I felt horrible all of a sudden, because I was hurting her to… without even realizing it.

Riley was in love with me, I could see it in her eyes, she just hadn’t told me yet because, well… I didn’t know if I was in love with her.

She tucked me into bed, getting up and opening a drawer that contained clothes for her. She practically lived with me, so we decided to empty one of my drawers and store her clothes in it. I didn’t mind at all, and she was eager for the idea.

She began to take off her shirt, and I tried to force my eyes away, but I couldn’t…

I watched her naked torso, her flat belly, her perfect curves… her full boobs. She wasn’t top heavy, but she was fully… developed you could say. She had cleavage though she wasn’t the least bit heavy set at all… she had a really nice body.

She hadn’t noticed my eyes on her, and once she slipped a muscle shirt over her body, she started to undo her belt buckle.

I felt my heart speed up, What was happening?

Don’t lie to yourself Jenson… don’t act like you don’t want her to crawl into your bed without pants on… feeling her bare legs wrapped around you…

Stop… this was not the time for this.

Though I couldn’t stop staring at her legs, they were flawless, toned, not to muscular… they were perfect.

She slipped on loose sweats, hanging off her hips and I smiled weakly as she crawled into bed with me. She spoke, “Take off your jacket please…”

I did as she asked, as if I was completely under her spell. The pain with Jake, the pain in my wrist… it had all disappeared until of course I accidentally touched it.

Riley held my arms, “Promise me Jenson… that you will never do this to yourself, or me, again. Please… I can’t take knowing you’re in danger to yourself… when you hurt, I hurt… that’s a fact ok?”

She was so sad about this, I had done it so many times before, but now, seeing Riley completely broken over it… made me want to throw up. I felt horrible about it, just because she was so upset… she wanted to fix it just like she fixed everything else, but she couldn’t, and it was killing her.

She could mend the scars in my heart, but she couldn’t mend the scars on my wrist.

I looked into her pleading eyes, “I promise.”

She looked at me, as if she wanted to tell me something else, but she stayed silent instead. I wanted to hear her voice, I wasn’t tired at all, and I just wanted to hear that she wasn’t going to leave me… not like my dad, or my sister, or Jake… I wanted her to stay with me.

Forever.

I whispered, “And promise me… that you will never leave me. Stay alive, here, with me…”

“I promise Jen… Forever.”