Akimitsu And Insomni

STREET SMARTS

This is just a chapter to make you laugh during this quarantine.

-----------------------------------------------------------

"Hey did Hito and I ever tell you about Street Smarts?" They shook their heads and Hitoshi laughed at the memory

"Once a year, stranger danger." We began to alternate

"Yeah the hottest ticket in town!"

"The All Might of assemblies!"

"We were gathered as a school to be told to never talk to an adult you don't know-"

I cut him off

"And you are told this by an adult you don't know."

The class began to break into laughter, which woke Aizawa

"We had the same Stranger Danger Speaker every year when we were kids,"

"And his name was Detective JJ Bittenbinder."

The class stiffled their laughs

"Go ahead and laugh his name is ridiculous!" I shouted and they burst into an unhealthy amount of laughter

"That was his name, it was JJ Bittenbinder. He was from the Japanese Police Department,"

"He was a child homocide expert, and- oh gee, very sorry fellow classmates does that make you uncomfortable." I asked

"Well guess what, you're proheroes in training and he's not even here." Hitoshi dragged the last word

"Try being seven years old and sitting five feet away from him, he's still got blood on his shoes,"

"And he's looking at you in the eye to tell you for the first time in your very young life that 'Some adults find you incredibly attractive, and they just may have to kill you for it, okay c'est la vie, go be kids, go have fun!'" He joked

"Bittenbinder came every year, by the way Detective Bittenbinder wore three-piece suits, he also wore a pocket watch,"

"Two years in a row he wore a cowboy hat," Hitoshi pitched, we paused because some students forgot how to breathe

"He also had a HUGE handlebar mustache." I added

"None of that letters, but it's important to us that you know that." Shinsou gestured between the both of us,

"He did not look like his job description, he looked like he should be the conductor on a locomotive powered by confetti." I chuckled slightly

"But instead he made his living in murder." Hitoshi added darkly

"He was the weirdest goddamn person I ever saw in my entire life, he was a man most acquainted with misery, he could look at a child and guess the price of their coffin." No one laughed

"No one ever laughs at that but once you say it once you say it for the rest of your life." Hitoshi joked

"So Bittenbinder came every year with a program to teach us about the violent world waiting for us outside the school gym and that program was called 'STREET SMARTS Time for STREET SMARTS With Detective JJ Bittenbinder. SHUT UP, YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE, STREET SMARTS!' That was the general tone, he would give us tips to deal with crime we will share some of these tips with you today."

"Okay Tip Number 1 STREET SMARTS Lets say a guy pulls a knife to mug you.' You remember the scourge of muggings when you were in second and third grade. You know how a mugger thinks

'Man I really need cash for drugs right now. Hey, maybe that eight-year-old with the goddamn Present Mic wallet that only has blank photo laminate pages in it will be able to help.'