Four : honorary family
drove into infinity, I held you till you fell asleep
Hazel eyes reflected against the filling water, white foamy bubbles clinging to the sides of the sink. The silver plug at the bottom pulled tightly, no water slipped beneath the edge and yet you could feel yourself doing what the water couldn't. You could see the light in your eyes against the waters chilled surface, but even then they looked so strangely. Nothing about yourself looked familiar, it was like you were a stranger within yourself. You're trapped in a body that is yours, but doesn't feel like your own. You're continuously let down.
"You almost done in there, babe?" Your father's girlfriend called through the white wooded door, knocking softly and startling you by the noise. You'd slipped out of the family room nearly an hour ago, no spoken excuse as to why. You couldn't handle it, seeing her and him all cuddled up together. You didn't want to admit that it hurt you to know that nobody would ever love you the way he loves her, and she loves him.
"Mmhm, just washing my face." You hated how your voice was so high, unaffected by puberty that hadn't quite hit yet. You hated that you couldn't just grow up already, that you were still confined to the body of a child when you felt as though nothing was stopping you from making adult decisions. You're so far from freedom it's become suffocating. Your actions are decided for you, your clothes are bought for you, your life run for you by people who think they know you and what you want. What choices do you really get? You're woken up in the morning by chocolate brown eyes peering into your own, you're put to sleep by hazel orbs, you're driven around to destinations that have no personal appeal to you. You're life is being dictated by those around you whilst you just get dragged along for the ride in a childproof bubble.
It's tiring.
You'd clearly forgotten to lock the door as you watched her body slide in, the wood separating before coming together again and trapping the both of you within the large white room filled with black marble accents.
This house was just so her. You're father barely had any personal touches on the decor, his half shoved below the ground. You hated how he let himself be ruled by a Texas born women with no control over her impulsiveness. You hated how one moment she could be your best friend, and the next she was the mother you never knew you needed. You hated how she confused you to the point of mental darkness that left you scouring for a light-switch.
"Honey, you're skins nearly burnt off. You really can't be doing this all the time." Demi's soft voice broke through your silence, her hands rushing to turn the water off and instead grabbing a towelette that would hopefully return moisture to your dried out skin.
"I-I just got distracted." You promised leaning away from her hands that tried to help you. You didn't need her help, you'd gone years without anybody assisting you. Your father could only help when he knew how to, and you understood that. You didn't grow up with somebody braiding your hair for you, you did that. And now, that's all you knew. You didn't like people at your feet waiting for your every move to fail. You didn't like being pestered, you might still be a kid, but you'd never had a mother to make you a daughter. You were just a kid, his kid, you were nobody's daughter, the title was odd on your shoulders.
"Sweetheart, You've been doing that a lot lately. Last week you almost burned the house down making toast. What's really going on?" Demi asked softly her hands clutching yours, as she bent down to see the stars in your eyes that were constantly covered by looming clouds.
"You're not my mom." You shook your head, your eyes filling with tears that you couldn't hide from her. Tears that matched the ones filling her own eyes as she heard the words she knew, and yet tried to forget. She wasn't your mom, but that would never stop her from trying to be maternal.
