Chapter 1
I feel the cold water rush over my flesh as I sink deeper into the abyss. My instincts start to take over making me rethink what I’m doing. But, I have to. My life isn't worth it. I just continuously hurt the people I love. They would mourn me for a couple of months but would soon get over my death. I’m saving them from the hurt I have caused and might cause in the future. I am saving them from me.
My lungs start to burn vigorously. I try to drone out the pain, to have my death as pure and peaceful as possible. It doesn’t work. So, I think about my family. How my mother would laugh at my poor attempts at jokes. How she would try so hard to make me and my brother happy. But, I have hurt her. I have ruined our family.
It was a Sunday, we were all sitting at the kitchen table eating my father’s famous egg sandwiches, my mother, father, my kid brother Flynn and myself. It was a beautiful day, spring was in full bloom, the air was humid and warm,and the greenery was magnificent. I was begging my father to take me to the local bookstore. That store was my second home. It had all the books you could imagine, books were my life then and still are. I would read for hours at a time, some books I would finish in less than a day. When I wasn’t reading I was working at a local clothing store folding and hanging t-shirts trying to make enough money for my book obsession. I wasn’t a super fast reader I just had time. Reading made me happy. I had friends, I was really close to about five of them but, I always wanted to know what it felt like to be someone without friends. Someone who was left alone, someone who had a life without drama, someone who could enjoy some solitude.
My father finally gave in and we headed out. Flynn, who was complaining about being bored decided to come too, I wish with all my heart he didn’t. We all got in the car leaving my mother behind because she thinks that the store is too dirty. It isn't the cleanest place but I love it all the same. We park our old red minivan in our usual spot right near the entrance. As I open the door the bell on top rings, the familiar sound makes me feel at home.
“Hi Bree,” says Sam, she is the owner of the store. She’s very pretty, she took over the store after her mother died two years ago, she’s only twenty-two. She twirls her light blond hair, as her blue eyes scan a book I recommended to her.
“You like it?” I ask, motioning to the book in her hand.
“Yes! It’s amazing.”
I smile in response and then rush over to the young adult section of the store. It’s just as it usually is, about fifty different books just in my level. Well, my level is about every level. They are laid out on dusty shelves. I have read about forty of them, but Sam orders five news ones every month (which I help her pick). I pick out one that I’ve had my eye on, it looked good so why not try it.
I check out and I start reading on the ride home. It’s a good book, but I have a tendency to say that about all books I read. I’m halfway through the first chapter when my life is completely turned upside down.
A blue Corvette comes racing through a red light and drives 90 mph into our car.
The accident killed my father and left my brother as an amputee and in a coma. I was on the other side of the car so I came out of the accident with a slight concussion, but other wise I was fine. A month after the accident my brother woke up from his coma but they had to amputate his arm. If only I didn’t ask them to go to the bookstore. It was my fault. It always has been.
The memory makes the water around me feel colder. The lack of oxygen mixed with the pressure makes my chest feel like it’s folding in on itself. A explosion of anxiety bursts inside of me. All the sudden I need it to be over, I breath in the water around me. Then I wait, each breath sending stabbing pain through me. I’ve been under water slowly sinking for two minutes, and my vision is starting to fade. I close my eyes and think. That was a mistake. I start to regret what I’m doing I open my eyes and try to swim to the surface. I’m too weak. I’m sorry. That was the last thought to go through my head.
