Covid Diaries: Love in the time of Covid

Day 4 - White Paint

Ben classified himself as an extrovert. He loved socializing with his hockey buddies and made it a tradition to grab a beer every Friday after the game with his team. In the summer, he hosted poker game every Friday. Most of his buddies saw it as much needed time away from their busy schedules and looked forward to it.

Covid-19 had since ruined their social schedule and Ben was forced into web calls with his friends who were willing to join. Ben found himself having a beer by himself on Fridays now. His mind craved the social gratification of being the weekly poker game host. He thought of himself as the glue that kept his buddies together. He missed the conversations on the happenings of his friends' lives. Being single, he lived through his buddies' stories and complaints.

Being a social individual, he found it hard to be indoors and focus on personal projects. He had tried to get started on painting the house but hadn't found the motivation to get started.

He googled "cure for boredom" and found a list of to-dos. Reading was on the list. He glanced at his bookshelf gathering dust, none of the books called to him. He sank into his sofa, permanently dented with the shape of his torso with a beer in hand. He switched on Netflix and began to browse. His thoughts wandered to all that he wanted to achieve this year when it turned midnight on New Years day. He was ready to party this year and strengthen his relationships. He sighed. Looking at his bare walls, painted a light blue, the previous owner had left him this color and he hated it. He decided with conviction that he'd get to painting it this weekend. 

 At 8am on Saturday morning, he used curbside pickup to purchase some white paint and rollers.  He began painting as soon as he got home. Starting in his bedroom, his mind shifted to thoughts of his brother, Mike. They hadn't spoken in months. The last time they'd seen each other they had an argument over Ben's lack of motivation on finding a girlfriend. It seemed trivial now but Ben wasn't going to be the first to call.

The repetitive motion of the paint roller on the wall was calming and Ben sunk into a deeper reflection. He thought about what he could achieve with all this time to himself. He'd always wanted to backpack in Peru and hike the Machu Picchu. He hadn't been able to convince any of his buddies to join him, though he'd tried multiple times. He decided to put in some real effort to getting in shape and planning the trip. Seconds later, self-doubt surfaced and he asked himself out loud, "can I do it alone?"

Taking a break from painting, he made his way to the kitchen and began to make a ham and cheese sandwich. His groceries were running low, he'd have to put in an order online. Taking a bite of his sandwich, he turned to his computer and began a search instead for Machu Pichu hiking trails. Each trail offered uniquely magnificent views. His eyes flew to his bookshelf and he realized he'd purchased a travel book of Peru years ago. Dusting the book off, he opened the book. He had bookmarked trails to explore and he realized that he had lost his motivation. His Finance job was stressful and he'd come to rely more and more on his Friday night time with his buddies to relax. As much as he valued his friends, he'd spent very little time exploring his personal goals and had a beer belly to show for it.

Taking out a piece of paper, he continued his research on Peru and took notes. His fear of doing it alone was replaced with new-found self-confidence. He looked up at his freshly painted white wall and decided he'd complete the wall with Peru photos.