Covid Diaries: Love in the time of Covid

Day 22 - Turning 40

Jackie woke up on the morning of her 40th birthday and looked at her alarm clock. She'd managed to wake up before her alarm, it was only 7:00 am. She stretched and got up from bed. A million thoughts rushed through her mind as she poured herself a cup of tea.

Her 20's were full of spontaneous and reckless adventures. She had traveled to some exotic countries and experienced many sights. Her 30's were focused on her career as she pursued her masters and landed a lucrative job with the government. What would the theme of her 40's be?

Jackie was single, she had adopted a cat to keep her company. She dated occasionally with the relationships ending as quickly as they began. She couldn't decide exactly what she was looking for but she was able to rule out her ex's with conviction. She thought about whether she'd be satisfied living out her 40's single.

Settling into the couch and rifling through a fashion magazine, she looked at the images of the beautiful models and the colorful fashion. She decided she'd create a new style for herself this year.

"What else do I want to do?", she thought. She didn't feel the urge to travel, although there were some countries she wanted to see. She took out a pen and sketched herself standing on the Eiffel Tower, standing next to a man, holding hands. Did she need a man to feel complete? She always told herself she didn't fit the mould of needing a man. Yet, here she was, afraid of standing in the most romantic place in the world alone. How would people see her? Would they feel sorry for her? She erased the man. She decided her 40's would be about becoming fearless. She had to stop worrying about what others thought of her life decisions and be true to what she wanted.

She turned the page of the magazine and looked at an ad for a Caribbean beach resort. The ad was trying to appeal to the readers' need for an escape. Surprisingly, Jackie didn't feel the need to leave her home and go to this beautiful resort. She'd managed to decorate her home true to her rustic style, her white fabric couch was very inviting, her natural wood coffee table was worn and featured dark oak wood grains aged with time. The coffee table sat over a large patterned turquoise rug. The wall was decorated with a large painting of the ocean against a clear sky.

Feeling hungry, she decided to order sushi on UberEats. Most restaurants were still closed due to Covid, some offering the option of takeout only. After deciding on a tempura appetizer, 6 pieces of salmon sashimi, seaweed salad and red dragon rolls, she returned to her thoughts. Picking up the magazine, she flipped the page to an image of a girl jumping off a cliff into the ocean. She had managed to go sky diving once when she was 25, it turned out to be an exhilarating experience. She remembered floating in the sky feeling as if time stood still. Could she do it again? No, she was too cautious now. She did want to become fearless but she decided her post-40's plan didn't have to include jumping out of a plane again.

Checking her phone, she could see the stream of messages from her friends wishing her Happy Birthday. "I'll message them later tonight", she decided. Grabbing her pen, she drew an elephant and sketched herself sitting on top of it. She smiled. She loved the gentle calmness of the animal. "Why did she not have any life goals? A list of must-haves, must-sees and must-dos?"

Her lunch finally arrived.  As she unpacked her lunch, she decided she was okay with her current home, job and living alone. "That's that", she sighed.

 Her 40's would not be focused on travel, new adventures or relationships with men. She'd hold on to the present without fear of judgement. She laughed out loud, "easier said than done", taking a bite of her sushi roll savouring every bite.