𝑀𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠-𝑗ℎ✔️

𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 13: 𝑃𝑒𝑎𝑐𝑒 𝑎𝑡 𝑙𝑎𝑠𝑡.

Thank you for 1k🤍

⚠️Mention Of Serve Suicide And maybe other triggering things⚠️

Another week has gone by. Calebs finally back from his little vacation with his friends. For some odd reason ignoring me  and I'm back in school. I wish I wasn't. I'm fucking pissed.

After the little Sunday morning thing, he hasn't said a word. It's like before as well. He won't even look at me. Whenever i'm at my locker and he comes up to his, he acts like i'm a ghost, non existent.

I let him in the slightest of bit and he ran. He ran so far away i'm not a person anymore.

I hurts because what I said in the letter was true, he was the only person who didn't make me feel invisible. He made going to school sort of worth it. I was ignored at him,!by Caleb when his friends were over, which was often, and my dad. Now Charlotte too.

I wasn't in school the whole week and she found herself at the popular table? It's so stupid they have that but with Jaden, Madison, Ellie, Kayla, Bryan, Alex, all the popular kids and it fucking sucks. She just poof gone, after years a friendship.

I'm back at square one. again.

I fucking hate my life. It's so old. Drink, Smoke, Sleep, repeat. I kind of wish Jaden didn't come that night, I could have been set free. Set free from all the voices, the pain, the tears, the world. I could finally find my happiness. Maybe I could still have that.

I'm not meant to be here, I'm nothing more than a disappointment, to everyone, even my own damn family. My own dad doesn't want me. He just gets up and leaves, yeah there goes my "not the best but not the worst" speech. He fucking sucks, leaving there daughter on the week she needed you the most, fucked up.

Sadly, i'm use to the constant leaving. My mom, My dad, Caleb, Charlotte, Freak Boy.  That's everyone, just gone.

Fuck!

"Bell, are you okay hunny?" the teacher ask. What was she talking about.

I looked around the room to see everyone looking at me. I then look down to my hands, I'm a shaking mess.

Shit, I forgot to take my pills today, well maybe the last who last week.

"y-yeah" I mutter. I grab my bag and I storm out of the classroom, not wanting to be bothered. That's shit never affected me when I thought about it, why does it now.

Most likely my pills. I need help. No, I need peace.

I walk out of school and I start my 30 minute walk home. I didn't want to finish the rest of the day out, or what would be the last, in that school.

Depressing white walls, marble floors, old shitty lockers, old teachers, old school methods, old, old , old. School is a waste of time preparing kids to work in factories, they don't give two shits about the kids.

10 minutes later, 20 minutes later, 25 minutes later, 30 minutes later.

I still wasn't home. This time, a near by cliff, by my house. Maybe I would finally be able to let go, since I couldn't do it Saturday.

There's not many cars around. The cliff looked over a small canyon. It was quite beautiful actually, one of the tour spots in Tennessee.

All the bottled up thoughts, all the drinking, the voices, everything gone. Maybe, this was how i'm suppose to end. Go down in history as nothing more than a useless teenage girl who had nothing better to do then kill herself.

No one would understand but I understand. You don't know how everyone feels. People make fun of depression and anxiety as a joke, or a trend. Something to laugh about or make fun of. It's not. It a daily battle in your mind, cutting one single thread could make you fall apart.

Jaden was the scissors, cutting the last bit of hope in my mind. Hope that I would have someone that I didn't push away, the last little bit of sanity I had left. Why did I care so much about it him, when in the end, he never cared about me.

Nothing more than a waste of his time, everyone's time.

I'm constantly fighting with the voices in my head, should I stay or go.

Everything is always my fault, I always caused the problems.

For instance, my mother. I was 10 and we were on our daily after school walk. We were close, more like best friends then mom and daughter. We were talking about a school project coming up, with Jaden actually, he was my partner, when I saw a playground. I was little and I wanted to go play. Any kid would. I begged my mom to go, she said no at first, it was a busy street to cross, causing many accidents. She finally agreed and we tried to make our way across the street, when a car was going full speed, in my path. My mother pushed me out of the way, then hitting the car, instantly dying.

If it weren't for me, she wouldn't have gone across that road. If it weren't for me we wouldn't even be on the road. It was my fault she died. I caused my family that. That's something i'll never live down.

I caused my dad to get. a traveling job, Caleb to hang out with the wrong crowd, I caused my mother's death.

How the hell do you live with that hanging over your shoulder. You can't.

I knew the moment I knew my mom was dead, I fucked up my life. I always would.

Now look at me, staring over the cliff, looking down on a 60ft drop that would instantly kill me.

I knew in my mind, this was it. My last day, finally. I waited 7 years for this and here we are. No one stopping me.

I'm finally be at peace at last.

I take in a deep breath, my last breath and I fall forward, letting the wind take me.

However, the only thing I can think of before I hit the ground was, him.

The dude in my mind. His beautiful blue eyes, just like Jaden's.

-Memories-

"It wasn't a mistake Bell, we are meant to be" he mumbles"

-

"No, you can't just fucking leave, not now. I need you" he shouts.

-

"COME BACK!" his voice cracking. "I love you"

-

"i'm upset because I care" he softly says, rubbing my back.

-

"we made it" he mutters. Looking at me with tears in his eyes and the brightest smile ever. His smile could light up a room.

-End of Memories-

*crunch*.

a/n: i'm in tears and a bug decided to fly near me, scaring the shit out of me.