Room 93 (FIRST DRAFT)

Day 17

Through out the night the lights flicker. They go on and off at random point drowning is in darkness. He black haired girl freezes over every time. She stops where she is and hums to herself. Maggie sits wit her and talks to her in a rushed and quiet voice. I never catch what they talk about but it must be something comforting because each time the girl becomes a little less jumpy and paralysed.

Nothing manages to calm me anymore. The knife was a memory, something that happened in the past. Different memories flood round me every time the lights vanish. I clutch at them and attempt to reel them in but I only catch snippets. I see a girl. I see her a lot. She has brown hair just like mine and bright blue eyes. Her hair is long and her smile wide. Each time her face appears in my mind I hold onto it, allowing my heart to skip a beat.

There is another girl I keep seeing too. She has black hair, a bit like the girl in the room but it's curly and wild - the mane of a lion. Her eyes are hard and brown but her smile is loving. She is older than me, around the other girls age. Her face haunts me every time I see it. It scares me.

Everything else is see is to random to define as anything in particular. Several times I think I see a boy's face but I could be mistaken. The memories come and go, like leaves on a tree, dropping away when they look prettiest. I chase them in my mind, I grab the leaves and search them but by that time they have washed away as quickly as they came. The darkness disappears and light replaces it forcing me to leave the memories behind.

Samantha approaches me, her hair trailing behind her in a way that I remember. The physical memory of something real soothes me and calms my frustrated mind. As she realises I am comfortable around her she sits down beside me.
'So... Ummm... How much of before do you remember?' My breath catches in my lungs as she speaks about my memories. Has Eric been blabbing about my dreams to everyone behind my back? Can I trust no one here? I stammer for a few seconds before Samantha begins talking again.
'I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry, it's just when you woke you seemed all crazy and strange. You barely even recognise Laya, I can tell by the way you avoid the conversation of her. You evidently don't remember much from before you woke up.' Samantha babbles. Her voice is quick and she obviously is good at recovering from saying something she shouldn't have. Just like she used to. The voice in my head sings out to me, taunting me with the ghosts of my past. I wish it would stop teasing me and tricking me. The memories are too much to handle right now.

'Ummm... well... I remember you, the blonde girl and Maggie. But when I think about Eric things go... well sort of blank I guess. I hear ringing and my head goes blurry every time I try to remember him. Laya is the same. She is like a distant acquaintance that I barely know. I sometime remember a few things but nothing else.' I explain, glad that she doesn't know about the dreams.
'What about...' She clears her throat, 'What about... errr... Darren?' The name, Darren, stands out like a red light. My dream. Darren. Red. Red. Red. A red light shouting at me. Red. Red. Red.
'Darren?' I ask quietly. Darren. Red. Red. Red.
'Yeah, Darren... He ummm... well her sorta got... ummmm.' She stammers and stares at the open space in the ceiling. Red. Red. Red.
'I don't remember anyone called Darren.' I try to disguise the confusion that fills me. Red. Red. Red. Can Samantha see it too? The red, I mean. Can she see it flashing at her? Warning her... Red. Red. Red.
'Do you want to talk about something else?' Red. Red. Red.
'Ummmm... I guess...' Red. Red. Red.
'Are you okay?' Red. Red. Red.
'Yeah, I'm fine.' Red. Red. Red.
'It's just you look kinda pale.' Red. Red. Red.
'I'm fine seriously!' Red. Red. Red.
'Okay. So-' Samantha begins but the lights disappear and wash her words away. I sit still waiting for the flash of red to appear again but it has stopped.

The room is quiet. Too quiet. Everything is still and calm. No voices chirping in my head, no colours or pictures or faces or memories. Just silence. I twist my head round and peer into the darkness but nothing is there. I shout out at the top of my lungs.
'Hellllllooooo!' My lungs scream in pain as I scream but I carry on. 'Eric? Samantha? Maggie? Laya? Anyone?' Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. I am alone. My mind both seeks the comfort and peacefulness of the room and resents it. I want the knowledge that I am not alone, the feeling of someone there beside me. I need the security of friendship and people but I desire the calm of the room. Everything still and eerie, but also comforting and friendly. Since the day I was born I have desired and sought the calm and tranquility of where I am. No voices, no shouting, no loud bossy people. No people at all. No one to break your heart and no one to hurt you. Ever. Never. Ever.

When you're alone you can do what you want and not be punished. Mummy loved punishments. She did. I remember it all know. The house. The bed. The room. The basement. Everything. Amelie. Hannah. Isaac. Daddy. Mummy. I see them in my mind, smiling happily. But that wasn't how it was. Never. Never ever. I screw up my eyes so I can see them but they refuse to close. Instead the images in my mind come to the dark room.

Amelie with her long flowing brown hair and safe eyes. Hannah with her stern look and coal hair. Isaac too, his scruffy blonde hair and jokey attitude making them all grin like idiots. Daddy walks beside Amelie, holding her hand and laughing with her. Mummy doesn't laugh though. She just stands, staring at me with hatred flaring behind her brown eyes, lurking in the shadows. I catch her eye and the knife digs a little deeper. It sticks into me. I can see it now, stuck in me. Blood pours down my body in a torrent of death and agony. I must find the peace again but it has gone. Forever. I close my eyes instead and see Amelie's face. Her cool eyes and warm smile. Every time I see her smile I smile too. At the sight of her the knife withdraws and disintegrates. I watch the coal like ashes drift to the floor slowly. My heart leaps and I crash to the ground, my fingers brushing against a muddy and uneven surface. I open my eyes and look round. I am lying in the powdery mud of a drive way. At the end a huge, wooden house rests, slanted and broken. The curtains are stained and torn and hang pointlessly in front of grimy windows. He fields surround the drive way and house as far as the eyes can see.

I get up slowly and brush of my bloody and tearing dress. The sun is shining powerfully and I am forced to squint so I can see. The driveway lures me in as I subconsciously begin walking forwards, slowly and gently. Everything seems distorted and bumpy, my vision even begins going blurry. I blink once, twice, three times. The house morphs and races closer. It stops changing as it gets close enough to touch. My hand reaches out and closes around the door handle, the metal cold and smooth beneath my rough finger. I twist the handle and the door swings open with ease. The wooden floor boards seem stable enough so I step forwards. The second my foot touches the wood everything vanishes. I look around me at the changing scenery. A cliff face rushes past me, and that's when I realise I am falling.

'Amelie?!' I scream as loud as I can,
'Amelie?' A puzzled voice answers back. That's not Amelie. My inner voice informs me but I ignore it. I know who that is. I sit up and stare at the speaker.

A little girl stares back. She has crimson hair. Blood red. She is the crimson girl. Her name strokes my tongue but I cannot quite find it. The crimson girl, dressed in her crimson dress with her crimson hair stares at me. She smirks before standing up and stepping out the way. Another small girl about her age is standing looking at me. She must be around five, her ringleted hair tumbling down her back wildly. A short and gentle fringe frames her watery blue eyes. I smile at her weakly and close my eyes, finally at peace...