Stella, My Star

17

My sleep is restless, awful. I dream of the wheatfield on Earth again. I am dressed the same; see through long white dress, no shoes, longer hair loosely braided over my shoulder. This time, the sky is overcast and miserable. I stand in a circular clearing two or so metres in diameter, wheat reaching for the sky all around. Like a bicycle wheel's spokes, six paths start to appear in various directions.

I turn slowly, looking up each. It starts to rain. The mood of the dream is different, and I am frustrated. I hold out my hands and rotate them face up. It is blood that is spitting down on me, and my palms are filling fast. My snow white dress is dappled red. My blonde hair starts to turn copper. I want to run, to escape. When I look up to the path ahead through the crushed wheat, I look at you, standing side-on at a distance, holding out your hand to me. You too are dressed in white, but unmarked, as it does not rain outside the tiny clearing.

My breathing is now fast and shallow. I turn to the next direction. At the end of the path is Gelding, also holding out his hand. The third, Louisa. The fourth, Commander Lynch. The fifth, Horricks. The sixth, Gabriel. All begging for my attention.

I spin in confusion, unable to focus on any one direction, the blood rain burning as it seeps into my eyes. I am ready to waken myself from this confusion, but then I see Gabriel again, his hands now holding the Redpunk 12 that bares your initials, magnified greatly, lighting up in 'lava lamp red'.

Now calm and in an hypnotic trance, I walk towards him. As I reach to take it, he places a hand on my shoulder, and opens his mouth wide. He generates a short series of computerised sounds. It is a code. An android code I know, as a robotics specialist. A code shared between androids in passing, high-pitched and unheard by the human ear, a simple checkup, that translates loosely as "I am okay, are you?"

Then, Gabriel supports me, as he tips me backwards. The Redpunk has disappeared, but I have no care for it now. I am in crystal clear water, floating serenely on my back, looking at a sky that simply reflects the still water itself. My hair is loose and it streams out around me, snaking in different directions like it has a life of its own, like Artiqewan tails or Tolbrin vine, as the blood seeps from the white cotton of my dress and swirls gracefully around me.

I am at my work station on the Destructor very early as a consequence of my poor sleep. It is ideal for me, so I can deny my personal thoughts and stay productive. The project I work on is challenging; developing automated functions for new space equipment. I commit to keeping my mind busy.

When I stop because I cannot ignore the hunger pangs anymore, I head for the dining room.  However, I fail in selecting the quietest time to avoid familiar faces. No more than an elevator trip away, I see you purposefully striding along with one of our senior engineers, deep in discussion. I cannot turn around, and recognise the need to face my demons.

"Good morning, Captain." I force a smile and salute. "Fenway."

You both acknowledge me with the same formality as we pass and continue on our way. I wonder if you have turned around and watched me to see if I have done the same. I wonder if you have thought of me. But I really believe it now to be wishful thinking.

Further ahead of me in one corridor, Louisa and Tristan walk along, arms touching. She reaches up and straightens his collar with a giggle. He stares down at her pretty face with a beaming smile. I deliberately detour via the gym, exiting a different door and adding an extra few minutes to my journey, just so there is no opportunity for them to see me.

I eat alone in the corner of the dining room, looking busy on my commscreen, which holds one photo only; that of my mother, young, attractive, pregnant with me. Not like Gormer's, full of messages from home from a loving husband. Photos and video that define her, shape her identity. I am truly a blank slate to an outsider.

I am also early to the morning briefing, sitting in the conference room at the large table when you all arrive one by one and casually discuss everything from stock audits, to some new comedian making a splash in a popular bar on Concordia. You set up the necessary equipment as you chat.

"Good morning everyone," your tone is now formal. "As you are all aware, Captain Brock and his crew on the Berserker have been stalking the Artiqewan ship for over two days now. The good news is they have reported sighting it.  We are now to take the Destructor to that sector and support them in extinguishing the craft and its occupants. Our crew will be informed prior to lunch today and we will leave within the hour. My first priority is transferring Officers Clark and Gormer back to Concordia." There is a quick glance in my direction at the mention of the females, then we continue with various other routine information.

Following the wrap-up, when everyone is filing out of the room, I approach you.

"Excuse me, Captain?" You look up from packing up your devices.

"Yes, Lieutenant Wood? What can I do for you?"

"I would like your permission to remain behind here so I may contact Commander Lynch via a video conference."

"Well, I need to discuss some matters with him, so you can talk to him at the bridge, after me."

"With respect, Sir, I would like privacy."

Your lips purse and you look me up and down.

"As your captain, may I ask what the matter is about?"

"I won't answer that, Sir. It's personal. It will be a highly formal conversation though, not suited to a commscreen."

You nod. "Yes, Lieutenant Wood, of course. I'll see you soon." You tuck your equipment under your arm.

"Thankyou, Sir."

"Oh, I forgot to mention, there's a surprise for you. It seems there was an issue with the vine sap in the Blood Diamond greenhouse. Gabriel has had a malfunction. He was transferred to our ship late last night. The robotics experts on the Berserker are fighting a backlog of work that is crucial to the ship's day to day operations. So Rex thought you might like to look him over. Call it a reunion of sorts."

You smile warmly and disappear.

The news excites me. The saviour in my dream has paid me a visit, and the least I can do is return the favour in reality.

I organise immediately with Rosetta to contact Lynch's secretary and convey my request for a meeting. As expected, he is only just commencing duties, and is curious about my request. He comes online straight away.

"Wood. Good to hear from you. What do you wish to discuss?"

"Commander. I will be short and sweet. I would like to request a transfer off the Destructor."

"Whatever the hell for, Lieutenant?  You have become a vital member of that crew. All reports back on you have been nothing but positive."

I do not need to justify my actions or wishes to Lynch. Most of the rumours are true. My father, Reuben Wood, had served alongside Lynch on Concordia at the election of the first leader, Alain Jodkey. They were some of the initial councilman in the early days after the majority of Earth's resources dried up and the lottery draw for inhabitants for the first of the new planets was announced. At a formal function, my beautiful mother, Claire, had caught Lynch's eye, and he had spent the next few weeks in pursuit of her heart. My father had always been a very quiet, reserved man, who had thrown himself into his research, and had emotionally abandoned my mother, without realising it. To his detriment.

It was all in the timing, she had said.  Lynch had come from a wealthy, influential family, and had lavished my mother with small gifts and sweet words of undying love. They had a passionate affair and I was born the following year.  My father died when I was just a baby, killed in a shuttle accident. It was Lynch himself, who had informed my mother of his horrific demise and cradled her in his arms. I was sixteen when she swore on her deathbed that Lynch was not my father. Lynch, ever the proud man, refused a paternity scan- a simple, painless paternity scan. We had never lived with him. He married into his own class. He never wanted to know the truth, but he felt some responsibility to do the right thing by my mother, whom he had always loved.

As a result, my transfer would be granted. No more questions.