Kalawakan

Prologue

As I revved my engine as faster as it can get, every pain suddenly sunk unto me. I furiously wiped the tears that's been streaming down my face non-stop. Oh, how I want to end everything.

"I thought you were better than this. You were so good, if not best; reason why I got you here. I'm so disappointed in you."

Ayoko na.

"I'm sorry, we were only playing around and teasing each other at first. Sinasakyan lang namin yung pang-aasar ng tropa when you weren't around. We never knew this would go down serious."

"Babe, please. I'm sorry"

"Don't! Just.... please, don't touch me. I'm outta here."

Ayoko na.

"Jesus Christ, Merida! I never thought you will stoop that low for that piece of shit! Display lang ba 'yang utak mo at hindi mo ginagamit?!"

Ayoko na!

I hurriedly went out of my car and hastily slammed the door. Mabilis kong tinakbo ang dulo ng bangin at isinigaw lahat ng sama ng loob ko.

"AYOKO NA! AYOKO NA! AYOKO NA! I'VE HAD ENOUGH! DAD, I NEVER WANTED IT TO HAPPEN BUT IT DID! KALEN, HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME? AND OF ALL PEOPLE, WITH TIANA? AND I NEVER WANTED TO BECOME A DOCTOR! AAAAAHHHH!" napahagulgol na lang ako at naupo. Walang tigil ang pagdaloy ng luha ko. Ang sakit, ang sakit sakit.

Walang mapaglagyanan ang sakit na nararamdaman ko and I fucking just want it all gone. I've never been this down in my entire life. Things just keep on piling and now hindi ko na alam kung ano ang uunahin ko.

"AYOKO NA! AYOKO NA! AYOKO NA! WHY? OF ALL PEOPLE, BA'T AKO? NAGING MABUTI AKONG TAO! WALA AKONG TINAPAKANG KAHIT NA SINO, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN CONSIDERATE! AND ARI, BAKIT? SA LAHAT NG TIMING, BAKIT NGAYON? AAAAAHHHH!" Napaangat ako ng tingin nang marinig  na may isang lalake na nagsisisigaw din 'di kalayuan mula sa aking kanan pagkatapos nang ilang minutong pananahimik ko. Hindi ko napansin na may dumating din palang maglalabas din ng sama ng loob. Katulad ko ay napaupo din siya at napahawak sa buhok. Kitang-kita ko rin ang panginginig ng balikat niya habang nakayuko siya, sign that he's also crying.

Guess we're both fucked.

'Di nagtagal ay napalingon siya sa gawi ko. Both with teary bloodshot eyes, our gaze met.

Despite the pain that is obliviously plastered in his face, he slowly managed to give me a smile. I smiled back.

"I guess everything is messed up with you, too huh?" tanong ko. Napalingon ako sa view na nasa harap ko at tinignan ang mga ilaw na isa isa nang nagbubukasan. Inilipat ko ang tingin ko sa araw na unti-unti nang lumulubog. Wow.

Narinig kong bahagya siyang natawa, "Yeah. Yeah, I guess everything's a mess. I am a mess." he scoffed at the last sentence. Yeah, me too.

"You're not alone. I'm a mess too." natawa ako sa tinuran ko. With everything that's happening in my life right now? I actually think I'm beyond just a mess.

Sandali kaming natahimik, both just staring and admiring the sunset's beauty. I've always loved this time of the day to witness since I was a kid because of its beauty and it really never fails to amuse me everytime. Though hindi ko na siya masyadong nawi-witness these days because I had a life to live. Had. Past tense. It's all ruined now.