Lend me your dream

Chapter 12 - Valentin

My self-esteem was thus shaken. I wanted to avoid the mistakes of the past and not fall into despair again. I felt the need to talk to Valentin in order to keep my head above water. He was the buoy towards which my gut told me to go when things got rough.

Valentin was there for me, as a true friend. We met in the park as planned and I told him about my dream and the resulting feeling of failure.

He explained me that I had to see my power as a privilege to use with a lot of humility to do good around me. And most of all, I mustn't feel almighty if I wanted it not to overwhelm me again. Nobody was perfect, meddling into others' pains and weaknesses didn't allow me to consider myself better than them. I had to learn about their stories with a lot of respect and mine had to feed on their experiences to become a better person. I had to consider each trip in the company of someone's mind as a sharing which made me grow up too and not as a way to give them a lesson about themselves. I didn't get the makings of a sermoniser, and my mind had known how to remind me of it. Nevertheless, that was important to feel valuable enough for myself before being credible for the minds hosting me. There may be a fine line between the rightness of self-esteem and the unstable nature of pride. You do good to yourself by acting on others' well-being, whereas if you think about yourself as a priority, the risk to hurt other people is bigger. Everything seemed to be so clear and obvious with Valentin. My power's control and respect were probably not severable from Valentin's wisdom. I definitely needed him, and my power needed him to stick his oar in. Damn it, I felt like a boat without any oars when he wasn't by my side...

We had lunch together, and then my piano would enable us to escape from the weight of words hanging over our heads. At the end of this rich moment of sharing around music, Valentin saw that I was pensive and put his hand on mine, which was on my thigh, and he gently pressed my fingers. I raised my eyes to his face and I could guess through his smile a comforting "I'll always be here for you" which almost made me feel guilty for doubting it. Then he went home.

I was appeased when I lay down that night. My eyes were growing heavy, I was calmly waiting for the dream which would present itself to me, and I was excited to discover which personality I could try to understand and help. Valentin's mind connected itself to mine for the purpose of inviting me to live a privileged moment of sharing. That beautiful surprise made me happy and wonderfully extended our evening together. I couldn't wait to know into which universe I would be taken for this night placed under the sign of complicity.

He knocked on my house's door, I opened it. I was dressed with more sophistication than usual. I was wearing a pretty short ruffled skirt in shades of pink with flowers drawn on it, a black tank top with a plunging neckline, matching with my high heels. It reminded me of Dolorès's style of clothes. Valentin looked so good, he was handsome. He was wearing a denim shirt and beige trousers which flawlessly highlighted his bottom, and brown loafers giving him a bit of class. He guided me to the road at the edge of which Uncle Gus's white Renault Dauphine was parked. He opened the passenger door for me and, like a gentleman, told me to take place into the car, what I unhesitatingly did. Then he sat down behind the wheel and we hit the road. We drove across the fields, he sometimes took a furtive glance at me to make sure that I was feeling good, and I smiled as positive feedback. Our road trip ended at nightfall, Valentin stopped the car on top of a hill which offered us a beautiful panorama of the city. We got out of the car and took off our shoes before sitting side by side to talk. I don't know what we said because that was imperceptible in the dream. The sky had put its immense black curtain on where a growing number of stars were shining as adornment. They shone a bit more minute after minute. We lay down, as we had done with Martial, Suzon and Dolorès during the Christmas holiday, and he grabbed my hand like when we played the piano earlier in real life. We stayed here a few moments, with our eyes riveted on the stars.

We suddenly both reappeared in the back of the car, without any transition. The mind could do what it wanted in a dream, after all. Maybe it was eager to move on to the next part... And what a next part, indeed! We were seated, both awkward, staring into each other's eyes, embarrassed not to know what to do. A deep desire for me emanated from his look, but he seemed to refrain from listenening to it. I couldn't resist anymore to attempt an interaction. I tried to kiss him, and his mind didn't oppose to it and, after a shy kiss, it indulged and followed its impulses. Valentin took my head in his hands and we abandoned ourselves to a long and hot kiss. Then he removed his hands, his fingers slid through my hair. He let one hand slip down at my lower back where he grabbed my top which he took off. I got his shirt off after undoing each button one by one while looking at him with a languid gaze. He removed the lace black panties that his mind had chosen for me and he slid his hand under my skirt for some sensual caresses. Then he struggled to extricate himself from his trousers and his boxer shorts because of the cramped space. I knelt above him while lifting up my skirt. At the same time, he softly put his hands on my hips. Our carnal pleasures made the Dauphine dance that night!

The confusion was at its highest into my head. It was so hard to put things in perspective because of the merger of our two minds. Impossible for me to identify which actions were mine and which were those of Valentin's mind. I lost control. Everything seemed so real. But it was just a dream...

Valentin had cheated on Dolorès with me that night. I didn't know if he was aware of it, but I think that his mind had fallen in love with mine for a while. It was just a dream...

It was just a dream, it was just a dream... I tried to convince myself but I didn't distinguish truth from falsehood. Did Valentin really love me? Was it a fantasy? Would he remember this dream? I think that I loved him, I was at least sure that our minds were in love. Maybe our romantic relationship would persist and grow in dreams only, or maybe it would be the promise of a future which would see our secret displayed openly. Valentin had to follow the way his mind showed him, I was just his special guest. It was a dream, it was his dream, it was our dream.