Hold Me While You Wait

1|you still weren't there

you still weren't there

They said time healed the deepest of wounds.

But if that was the case, then wasn't it somewhat implausible how much Elis still felt so inundated by melancholy when she stepped into what used to be her home? It became increasingly sorrowful when she felt as if she could see her late brother seated right on the porch when they got out of the car, frantically lacing his shoes because he couldn't wait to go biking with his friends.

The feeling wasn't at all eased when she took the first step into the lake house she's not seen in long time and the wooden floor creaked under the sole of her shoe, that she felt like it was his footsteps instead of hers.

And even when her gaze set on the same furniture that remained unmoved from three years ago, Elis still felt like she could see him seated on the brown leather sofa, watching his favorite TV show. Or when her mother slowly placed a comforting hand on Elis's shoulder, that she felt like her gentle touch was her brother's instead. Everything reminded her of him. Her grief became ignited by countless memories of her brother that Elis lost herself in the process.

"It still looks the same," her mother sighed. Elis moved away from her unwavering touch, walking further into the wide room.

"We moved right after his death," she replied, her chestnut eyes, once again, roaming over the living room. Every gaze she spared managed to send heaps of memories relentlessly rushing through her brain, that Elis's world suddenly felt violated and intruded into. She didn't wish to have these thoughts. They were much easier to avoid when she was far away from the lake house. Her mind was easily manipulated into not thinking of her brother when there was nothing physical to remind her of him. But coming back to the lake house made that different.

"I know, it's nice to come back." Her mother was just trying to remain strong. Mrs Collins knew exactly how much her daughter hurt to be suddenly flooded by nostalgic thoughts and memories of the past.

It had been her idea to spend their summer back at the lake house because she felt that it was time Elis moved on, time that they all moved on. But it still didn't hurt less having to come back to a house her son was last alive in. It was not as different for Mr and Mrs Collins as it was for Elis. But they were parents and they understood that they needed to be exactly that for their daughter.

"Bryson wouldn't want us to stay away from this place forever." It was upon hearing her brother's name that Elis snapped out of her trance, looking back at her parents before grabbing her bags.

"I'll be in my room," she dismissively spoke before walking up the stairs, hearing the same creak on the third step that she'd last heard three years ago.  It had been three years of being away, of avoiding memories and pretending like her brother never existed at all. When she heard that they were coming back for the summer, Elis braced herself for what she was currently feeling, only that she didn't know to what extent the feeling would go.

Her childhood bedroom was smaller than most of the rooms in the lake house. The single sized bed situated in the corner was still covered in the purple floral sheets that used to be her favorite while growing up.

Elis walked further into the room, discarding her bags on the wooden floor before lurching her exhausted body on the bed and not caring about the dust it exhumed. And as she lied still, it wasn't soon before she fell asleep on the dust filled bed, thinking of nothing but her used to be around brother.

Time had illuded her into thinking that she was healing. That by spending a long time ignoring and being away from everything, time would eventually make her forget. That was what she had wrong because the pain had never been more present. More alive. But bottling it up was what she planned to do.