Soooooo...
Slender is leaving me incharge while he's out. Can't be too hard, right.
*next day*
*snore*
*wakes up*
Me: FUCK! I'VE B-BEEN WASHING DISHES I-IN MY SLEEP! Y'ALL G-GONNA BE LATE F-OR WORK! Jeff, go grab Jane.
Jeff: *grabs Jane by her throat*
Me: N-NO NOT BY THAT!
Toby: *starts making waffles*
Me: No, no time f-for waffles. Here, I'm doi-ing granola b-bars. Nope, n-no time for g-granola bars! F-FUCK IT! We'll just h-have to move break-f-fast to lunch a-and lunch to dinner. Everyone g-grab a coffee 'c-cause d-dinner's happeni-ing at 3 in the m-morning.
Me: *runs up to Sally's room* GET YA A-ASS UP YA LAZY-Y BITCH, YA CHANGING YA OWN N-NAPPY!
EJ: *Grabs milk out the fridge*
Me: No- you C-CANNOT have milk o-on taco Tuesday 'cause i-it's not Mexican, n-now eat ya doritos!
Me: *On the phone to Dolly Button* No, I don't h-have a favourite ch-child, I do have a l-least favourite, a-and it's the youngest*
Me: COME ON, MAKE ME W-WANNA BE YA M-MUM! *almost gets shot in the face by Masky* I'M T-TELLING HOODIE 'BOUT Y-YA WET DREAMS!
BEN: *nicks my phone*
Me: Gimme back m-my phone before y-ya see my c-clint.
Me: I love that Jane, sh-she's not a bad l-lesbian.
Jane: *Trying to kill Jeff*
LJ: But I want candy!
Me: Now, y-ya gonna shut up a-and eat this l-like it's ass! *Shoves red leicester cheese in his face*
Me: *eats some red leicester cheese* Which one o-of you kids came o-on my cheese?
Me: *On the phone to Dolly Button* Dolly, I need h-help! I passed o-out and the kids p-put me in the m-maid costume, a-and then they put m-me in the pool!
Me: No i-it's the baby this t-time. She's running a-away from home and sh-she's taking one o-of my good cheese-c-cakes!
Sally: *runs away, giggling*
Me: *grabs cheesecake* Alright, c-crisis averted.
Me: *On the phone to Dolly Button* You th-think you have it b-bad?! M-my kids are at the a-age were they a-are having sex. W-with each other.
*distant moaning from Helen's room ( ͡• ͜ʖ ͡• )*
Me: *Stabs Kagekao, then drags the unconscious body into the woods* *gets spotted* I-IT'S NOT A CRIME I-IF IT'S YOUR K-KID!
Me: *talking to Lazari* M-mama got ya a k-kitchen and a stroller, s-so you can be r-ready when you g-give up one Y-YOUR dreams.
Jeff: *throws a knife at me*
Me: Y-you should be been b-born on the fu-fucking toilet bowl!
LJ: *locks the door to the kitchen, not wanting to eat cheese again*
Me: S-SON OF A BITCH, YOU O-OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW OOR I'M COUNTING TO THREE! O-ONE... FOUR... YOU-R L-UCKY I DROPPED OUTTA C-COLLAGE!
LJ: *laughing his ass off*
Me: THAT'S I-IT! YOU JUST LOST T-TOILET PAPER PRIVALEGES! H-HAVE FUN GETTIN' C-CREATIVE!
Me: *breaks down kitchen door* IMMA START C-COOKING IN T M-MINUS FIVE S-SECONDS! I NEED THIS K-ITCHEN EVACUATED FOR O-ONE HOUR! EVACU-A-ATE THE KITCHEN!
Masky: I fucking hate cheesecake!
Me: If y-you don't like m-my cheescake, then y-you are a retard and a l-liar, or worse, a v-vegan.
BEN: *sticking his middle finger up at other drivers and me*
Me: *opens car door and unbuckles his seat belt, then breaks hard* Y-you just lost seatbelt p-privalaliges m-mothafucker!
Me: *Corners Hoodie* I n-need you to stop g-going through p-puberty.
Me: *finds Masky in the kitchen while I'm trying to make food* You'd better g-get the fuck o-outta my kitch o-or I'm telling H-Hoodie 'bout ya t-tiny dick.
Me: *grabs Toby* C-come on, we're g-going on a cheese b-burger drive-by.
Me: *throws Mcdonalds cheeseburger at Night Howler* TH-THANKS FOR COMING TO M-MY BIRTHDAY PARTY! *throws cheeseburger at Dolly Button* HAPPY B-BEST FRIEND ANNIVERSARY D-DOLLY! NO O-ONE LIKES YA S-SITKA, THIS ONE'S F-FOR ME! *eats cheeseburger*
EJ: *Drinks the bastard milk*
Me: *Slaps it out his hand* I WILL NOT L-LET YOU RUIN T-TACO TUESDAY! I-it's the one night a w-week it's fun to be f-foriegn.
Me: *On the phone to Dolly* I just n-need a shoulder t-to cry on, c-connected to a p-pussy I can sit o-on...
Me: *talking to Lazari, who has made a huge mess* Aw, s-sweetie you're not a m-mistake, your a r-regret, now pick u-up this sh-shit.
Random driver: *hinks at me for the umpteenth time*
Me: *winds down window* HONK A-AT ME ONE MORE T-TIME, I WILL G-GROW A DICK A-AND FUCK YOU!
I'm never gonna babysit again, or have kids...;-;
YOU ARE READING
The Patient's Insta
De Todo"I've seen M-Masky, Hoodie, Toby, S-Slenderman, Jeff and J-Jane do it, So I-I thought 'why th-the fuck not?'"
