2020. A new decade. A new start. It had been almost three years since I lost the love of my life. It still pains me each and every moment of the day. My existence , meaningless. For I was meaningless until I found Emma Swan.
Found Emma Swan.
If only I could find you now. My love.
I had decided to make a rather small New Years resolution , for me, for Emma. Only one , I can't promise that I'll keep it, but I can promise that I'll try.
1, stop drinking. Two words. As simple as that.
If I could go back a few years and have just stopped drinking , I'm sure this could have been prevented. That day in the diner when I happened to come across those hidden photos of my Emma's bruising and her injuries , I didn't feel anything. Sadness for my love , yes , but not remorse.
I did it.
Remorse should have be the only thing that I felt.
You see , sometimes when I had a drink , my temper became quite hostile. In general but more towards Emma.
My Emma.
The love of my dreary life.
Sometimes my fiery temper was portrayed through physical violence and it quite visibly affected Emma , mentally as well as physically. Clearly. Only when I was drunk though. Sober me was loving, kind and passionate in all departments, and that was Emma's favourite me.
Em always told me that we had the best sex when I had a drink , unfortunately I often forget. Who wants to forget mind blowing intercourse with your significant other?
~
May of 2020. The present. As we come closer to the sixth month of the year, I realise I have much to be proud of.
I hadn't touched a drop of alcohol since the 7th of January. It marked three years, you can't blame me right?
I had recently cleaned the diner top to bottom until the floor shone and each surface gleamed. It's what Emma wanted. She loved the Diner more than anything in this world , I'm sure that even I came second.
Lastly , I've come to terms with the fact Em is gone. Dead. She took her own life because her wife was a drunk. She was violent, drew her own wife to suicide. I think about it all of the time. It makes me feel sick. I'm disgusting.
I loved her.
Yet I'm the reason she's dead.
I may as well have just killed her myself.
I should be in jail. I've thought about it countless times. Turning myself in. Showing them the diary in detail and the photographs. I never did. But all I've worked for this year is my way of showing my determination to change for the better. To be the woman my wife fell in love with. To be the woman my wife would want me to be. If I was, she'd be here today.
I planned to get the diner back on its feet , re-hire all of the staff and carry on Emma's dream. Continue her work and keep her reputation known. It was the absolute least I could do.
I had also noticed a significant change in my myself. I was calmer. More aware. I felt alive. I was far from being okay. But each day is an improvement from the last.
Christmas Day , 2010.
Christmas truly was bleak. I had nobody to send gifts too, I received gifts off of none. I had nobody to love , nobody to love me. The only thing I had was my job.
A receptionist.
It was awful.
However, it meant I had a purpose to the day. I wouldn't be so alone, and , I had little over ten minutes left of my shift.
The hospital was average. The odd Christmas related injuries here and there, nothing too drastic. It was boring. I was bored. Just a normal shift on this Christmas afternoon.
It was boring.
Until..
I see a wild mane of blonde locks that I know too well. Strutting through the hospital entrance like she owns the place , her emerald orbs locking her gaze on me and not once breaking the contact. She reaches my desk and leans both of her hands on it. Angling herself so the tank she is wearing shows off her cleavage ever so teasingly.
"Can I help you Miss Swan?" Im careful to keep my tone professional , I mustn't let her know she has caught me off guard , I mustn't let her know the sight of her chest on show is taking up my thoughts.
But she does know.
For that's why she did it.
She wants to drive me crazy.
Like I drove her crazy.
"I knew you'd be here. I knew you'd work on Christmas Day. It's lucky I remembered seeing you working here."
"Your a stalker now?"
"When do you finish?" Was the simple question that left her lips.
"Lucky for you Miss Swan , seven minutes. you came all this way to ask me a question?"
"No. I came all this way because your going to come back to my place. Your going to spend Christmas with me. Your going to let me get you drunk ... *she leans in so her her lip brushes my ear* and then your going to let me fuck you."
I gulp.
"Your going to take advantage of my drunken state?"
"Yep. All night long. I know you want me Mills. You know you want me."
Truthfully , since our rather steamy encounter in the bar bathroom , Emma Swan was all I seemed to be thinking about.
Her smart mouth.
Doing things other than talking.
I find myself crossing my legs to seek some sort of pressure.
Stop Regina.
"And what if I turn you down?" I question.
"You won't. Not this time."
My soul was on fire. Burning with Lust , craving the touch of another. Of her. I could deny her offer. I could keep to myself. I could stay respectable and refined.
Lust.
It all comes back to Lust.
Denying this opportunity, it would be a dire punishment to myself. I class myself strong , but some things were meant to be given in too.
"Are you sure you can last all night Miss Swan?"
"Oh Regina, you have no idea what I'm capable of."
