DERANGED DESTINY; J. HALE [5]

ONE; HURTS LIKE HELL

WE WALKED IN SILENCE. The hard stones crunched beneath my best shoes. Rows of gravestones stood to attention to the left and right of us. Some looked crumbled and decayed, forgotten and abandoned, lost in the sea of the dead. Some looked new and smooth, marble mostly. Gold scripture told their stories, floral tributes laid at the base of the slabs. I cast my eyes down to the freshly dug soil as the box was gently lowered by Bella's companions. 

I glanced at Edward who was emotionless. We all were. 

It had been a week since she had passed away. I had lost hope now, but Edward insisted on having her body preserved in case the venom he administered at the last minute was slow acting, I didn't think so and judging by those around me's thoughts - nobody did.

Her coffin was empty, we had all decided that it was important to have a funeral for human family. How can you say 'We're hoping Edward's vampire venom wakes her up in the next few days' gently? It was too difficult to explain to mortals. Rose had chosen her coffin with me, it was deep oak and beautifully crafted, not to bring comfort to the departed but to soothe the living. 

Sadness corrupts my inner soul and my heart bleeds a river inside. The worst is over. We were watched like animals as we climbed carefully back into the hearse, as if we have turned to fragile glass and could break at any minute. And like glass, our world was shattered.

Jasper's hard hand gripped my own tightly. Him and Bella weren't close but I could feel him hurting beside me. Rose and Emmett leant on each other's shoulders, Carlisle and Esme exchanged glaces as Edward's fell into his hands. The pain in the car was almost unbearable, it hurt like hell.

Alice had the best job. She got to stay at home and avoid all this. The last thing a grieving family needs is fake gestures from people who don't care, they don't understand. Bella left a few things in this world; a child, a huge gaping hole that she once occupied, a grieving family, and her ability shield - that I now used to hide the small heartbeat that now occupied my body.

Renesmee was beautiful, but every time I looked at her I seen my sister and it broke me a little inside. You never understand how it feels to lose someone until death stares at you in the face, plunges its hand in your chest and rips your soul from your being.

Missing her isn't the problem, it's knowing she's never coming back that's killing me.

I see her everywhere. She's the whisper of the tree's rustling in the breeze, I feel her touch in the wind that's wraps around me as I run, her smile is in the sun that beams down on me, her scent is in the food we used to eat together, I can still hear her laugh at the unfunny bits of show's that she thought were hilarious. The thing is, those we love never really leave us. They are everywhere and constantly remind us that nothing on earth can separate us. Not even time, not even death.

We made our way back to the Cullen's in silence. Charlie didn't join us, he was three beers in and didn't speak a word to me at the funeral I felt for him, I really did. Alice stood in the doorway, Ren in her hands. She was getting bigger each day, Bella would be so chuffed. She wasn't her usual smiley self as she waved us in, she didn't admit it but she was upset too - I could feel it. She so wanted to be strong for all of us but even the strongest walls crumble under pressure.

I floated through the house, for the past week I had felt completely like a ghost, not totally there. Me and Edward sat beside Bella's body for the longest time but didn't speak once, listening out for some sort of heartbeat or movement. She still looked perfect. We had washed the blood off her and changed her into her best dress. Carlisle had said that the venom was still in her system and it would preserve her body for a few weeks at most but we wouldn't know if it was working until it did.

Nobody but Carlisle knew about the little miracle in me. I called her a miracle because thinking I was spawning a demon child was too hard, especially right now. She was tiny, apparently, I had no idea how or when she was conceived. He had theories about my syphoning abilities but nothing could be proved till she was bigger. I called her a she because some part inside of me hoped it was Bella reincarnated. That's what I would call her, Bella for a girl and Bellamy for a boy - to keep her legacy alive.

I had no clue how Jasper would react. Happy I hoped. I had never spoken about children because it was never an option but some how our family had defied fate twice. Part of me had thoughts that I would end up like Bella, but I was okay with that. It would mean I would be with her and she wouldn't be alone anymore, I can't even imagine where she is. At peace I hoped.

The trouble with being a vampire is, you think you have time.