Fate Isn't Kind

Chapter Five

The gentle knock of skin on mahogany woke me up, and I lifted my head from my desk,  a few stray papers attaching themselves to my forehead.  I stretched, listening to my bones crack from the uncomfortable position, and realized I had spent the night in my office.

"Come in,"  My voice was tired, and the croak sounded foreign to even my own ears.

"Aidan told me I could find you here,"  Claire slipped inside and shut the door quietly behind her.  "Honestly, I don't know why I didn't think of looking here in the first place."

I regarded her with haze-filled eyes, and noticed that she had brought me a tray of food with a mug of coffee.  Her words suddenly dawned on me, and all the remaining embers of unconsciousness instantly vanished.  "Wait - what time is it?" 

"Donovan, I need you to listen to me,"  She set the tray down on my desk and elegantly bent down to occupy one of the large leather-bound chairs opposite me.  "We all thought it would be better if you took today off."  

I hated the way she was looking at me, with those eyes so full of pity and worry.  I had spent so long working and proving myself so that people would stop giving me those eyes.

"I am your Alpha, and nobody makes those decisions except me." 

I stood suddenly, and then instantly regretted the hasty motion.  My head whirred, and my sleepless body begged me to sit back down.  The fog from the night prior had lifted.  My muscles were begging me to remember how I had barely slept a consecutive hour, and spent most of the evening and early morning in my office working and slipping in and out of consciousness.

"I can't let the other Alphas think I'm weak."  My authoritative tone of voice cracked, and I just sounded like a broken, tired girl.  

"Aidan's taking care of it.  He told them you had urgent business to attend to, and sent your apologies.  We have a vigorous day planned for them to keep everyone entertained and distracted."  

I sat back down with great force, and slid the tray towards myself.  "Any other time I would be so pissed, Claire."  

She sighed and gave me a wary smile.  "We know.  How are you feeling after yesterday?"

My stomach turned, and the hot food in front of me didn't look so appetizing any more.  "I can't have a mate."

"Why do you think that, dear?"  

I had begun to take light sips from the coffee, hoping it would somehow heal the aching I felt behind my eyes.  "This pack is my priority.  Being a leader.   I've ground my knuckles to the bone fighting for my people."  

She hummed lightly, mulling over my words for a few moments.  "And having a mate deters you from being a leader?" 

"Yes."  Claire had phrased it like a question, but in my mind it was just a simple fact.  With the motherly sparkle in her eyes, she implored me to continue speaking.  "What don't you understand?  A mate will make me weak."

"Ah, darling."  She looked out the window behind me, sighing wistfully.  Before the accident, I hadn't known Claire very well.  She was always around, helping my family and the estate, but we weren't very close until I lost everything.  It frequently dawned on me that I didn't know much about who Claire was before.  We were always too busy, and she never made talking about herself the priority.  "If you only knew how lucky you are to have a mate."  

"Did you have a mate, Claire?"  

Her longing expression turned to steel, and I knew then that I had hit a nerve.  "At one time, yes.  When I was young.  It was the best time of my life."