So with Willow not breathing, the ambulance was on the way before we even knew, and came unexpectedly fast. All of us learned that day that Willow is very allergic to cashews, which is something that never really came up before, just because no one normally eats cashews. This is where I realize I'm an ass. Ronnie, Willow, and I ended up getting back to the bus so late that she went right to bed in her own bed and I went into our room to clean up the mess I had made from kicking the dresser. Ronnie stands out in the front and is talking to Jacky and Ryan while I get changed and sit there for a few minutes trying to think of the apology that I feel I owe Ronnie.
"Babe, can you come here for a second?" I ask when I finally have the courage to open up the door. He walks in like nothing is wrong, but you can tell that he is stressed out.
"What's the matter honey?" he asks as he starts to get changed, I realize in that moment everything that I thought I was going to say is no where to be found. My words are gone.
"Ummm... Ahhhh.... I....." I start to stutter through before taking a deep breath. "I realize that I can't just get up and leave you here like that, as much as I would love to go home, I can't just leave all of this here." I sigh, "I can't just up and leave you with the band, my brother, and Willow, that isn't fair to any of you and leaves you with a toddler and no one to watch her." I sit on the corner of the bed, "I'm sorry I've been selfish, I'm sorry that it is coming out like it's Willow or me, it's not, I accept that you two are a packaged deal."
"Well you don't have to feel like that any more, the guys are noticing that having her on tour is too distracting when I do it for this long, plus Chrissy is next level pissed at me for all of this. She's flying out now to come get her, she's going to be here in a few hours, and I already told Willow and she is beyond excited. Chrissy bought her all new clothes, so she's just going to come in and get her. That's what I was talking to the guys about, I was asking them if they could stay up for it because I can't, I'm exhausted." Ronnie says after sitting on the bed, once he finishes talking he lays down super dramatically to make me laugh, which like normal, works. But all he's saying gets me to think about how good that is.
"Although you know I don't want her gone, I just find it overwhelming that so much falls on me right now, and I understand that we're going to have a baby one day, but I don't know, we'll figure that out when we get there I guess" I say with a bleak smile before standing up again. "I'm going to go get some air and go for a walk, get some sleep though, I'll be in soon." I lean over to give him a kiss and he pulls me on to the bed on top of him. Fuck, he will do anything to make me smile.
"Are you sure you're okay honey?" he asks holding me on top of him.
"Of course baby, it's just been a long day and I need to think and breath" I smile before kissing him again.
"At least take Charlie so I know you're safe please." He says as he lets me go and I get up. I get Charlies leash, and we go outside.
We walk around for about two hours, before I just sit against the bus. I think about everything and how stupid and childish I must have sounded when I had the audacity to say that. This man is my absolute world and I can't imagine how much that hurt him to hear, hell I'm Mama Sky, I really need to step up to the plate. Hell one day I'm going to be Mama and Mama Sky, Willow isn't going anywhere and I know this. At this point I am in tears, and Charlie is just curled up with me almost asleep but his head pops up when he hears someone walking to us. Then his tail starts wagging like CRAZY, because he knows who's here, Chrissy.
She walks up to the bus and I stand up, I try to play it off like nothing is wrong but she can tell. She looks a little worried, and very stressed. She comes over and just hugs me, and we stand there crying for a few minutes.
"Thank you, no words can describe how grateful I am for you." She says once we stop hugging, "You have been the mom I haven't been able to be, and I can't imagine taking care of someone else's child, yet alone doing it on tour. The amount of positive things that everyone has said about you, it truly amazes me."
"I swear Chrissy, it's like you knew what I needed to hear. I was about to leave when Jacky came out with her today, but I especially couldn't leave on that note. The last few weeks have been the hardest weeks ever and I can't imagine how hard being apart from her was for you, and I'm just glad that you're here now, because that's what matters. I know we will all miss her, but this isn't the atmosphere that she needs to be in, there's no stability or consistency, and a child needs that." I say to her as we head to the door as my phone goes off.
R- Hey baby I just woke back up and you're not here, are you ok?
S- I'm heading in now I was just talking to Chrissy
We go in and everyone, including Willow, is awake. Mind you it is 3a.m. at this point. But now it is time for the sad goodbye. We all tell Willow how much we love her and how much we'll miss her before her and Chrissy go because their flight leaves in an hour.
Once they're gone Ronnie pulls me into the room, "you need sleep my love, you need a worry free sleep, and this time, I can promise I'll be here when you wake up." He smiles before kissing me and we go to bed.
I really didn't think I would get this up tonight BUT I did it, it's only 4 am, it's fine lmao
-Sky
