She & Her

CHAPTER 2: HER MIND PARADOX

~Jovana~

"Hope for the best but expect the worst." A quote I have barely come to terms with over the years. A quote Ki lives and breathes by because she was born some kind of pessimist. She wasn't always like that though. 

When she first mentioned the quote we literally had an argument that would go on for days because I simply did not agree with it, but she made it her solemn duty to bring it up every time she had the opportunity to.

Sometimes, I wish she could view life from my spectacles, you know? But, I also love how she perceives things. I guess for every pessimist- which I don't think she is- a realist would be preferred, an optimist is made to balance things out and that's where I come in.

Sequoia is my complete opposite. In terms where I tend to leap before I think, she thinks before she leaps. For instance, when certain things happen, she takes it upon herself to access, accept and act on the situation at hand, she calls it the "'a' cube of life." I think it's a nice alliteration.

Whereas, I jump headfirst because of how short-sighted I am. I act on what I have seen and heard at that moment without thinking of the consequences of my actions in the long run. I'm the fire; ready to burn on sight, highly unpredictable, and hard to tame. I'd like to think of her as water; she's cool and calm but can switch up at any moment. If one takes time to think about it, these two elements have more in common than contrast. As she is my twin, water would be fire's and I wouldn't have it any other way.

When our mum died- actually, she was more of my mum than hers if I'm being honest.  I (Bon Jovi, haha) bawled, and when I say bawled, I mean bawled, like full-on ugly cry, mascara-stained face, snot-filled nose, massive hiccupping bawled. Ki, on the other hand, did not. You'd think maybe since we looked the same way we'd be treated alike, but that wasn't the case.

At the end of the day, I don't know who had it the worst, my dad or me. My money's on dad, although my mother was not his first love, She was his true love, they had spent 18 years of their lives together excluding the time used to get to know each other and the time used while they were dating. 18 years was just marriage alone. To have her taken away from him in the manner which she was, I'd say it's gut-wrenching, heart-shattering even.

Kia not crying when we got the call till when we had her funeral or even showing any emotion at all will always make a small part of me resent her- just a little. I feel her numbness stems from the fact that while our mother lay on her death bed, waiting for the sweet taste of death's kiss to stow her away from the land of the living and ease her from the pain, she realized that the mother-daughter relationship her friends had always boasted about, she would never get to experience it for herself. The mother-daughter relationship she secretly longed for would never be given to her; her deepest secret and greatest desire.

Sometimes, I envied my other half, and all that envy and I felt ultimately brewed an ephemeral version of hate towards her. When I think of it, it wasn't directed at her, never her. It was towards all the things she was given so effortlessly that I had to strive for and eventually gave up on.

We have a brother as well, he is only 2 years apart from us, but you won't be hearing much of him, because if he has a story to tell, I cannot be the one to tell it for him. The only time I will do so is if I was there or if it connects with mine. Nevertheless, you will love him once you open your mind and get to know him. I don't though, but maybe, you will.

A/N

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lastly, I 'love' CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, It makes me a better writer for the readers and myself.

~VINE