On The Wings Of An Albatross

Katiket pt.1

The air was cold as the evening set in, a chill moving through to Can's bones as he watched the waves fall against the side of a ship that felt as though it were heading in the wrong direction. But the Albatross was fast, and it seemed to feel the urgency despite its broken wings. The handicap would cost them hours, but the delay necessary to reach the Kral could earn them even more.

Catching up to Fabri was unlikely to be an option, but reaching Sanem before she was marched to the gallows was all that really mattered. The Albatross would struggle to do that, as hard as it would try, but his own ship was rested and ready to slave the wind to its sails again. The Albatross could follow behind with those less battle-ready.

He repeated the plan through his mind like a sermon, trying to distract himself from how growingly unattainable this all seemed.

Leaning against the ship's rail and staring down at the dark blue ocean had turned his forearms numb, he noted, realising for the first time that Deren was standing beside him. A cautious few steps away and in much the same posture. He hadn't even noticed her arrive.

"We'll get her back," She promised as she felt him looking, so quiet that he almost didn't hear. There was an assurance in the way she said it, like she wouldn't let herself believe anything else, couldn't let herself believe anything else.

She doesn't deserve to go through this again.

"Am I ever going to earn her forgiveness, Deren?" He asked soberly.

She sighed then, a defeated sound. "It's not just hers you need to be searching for, Divit, what you did was remarkably shitty, even if you do blame it on retribution."

"I know," He went quiet then, and when he finally spoke again, he knew that for once it was no longer an excuse, but simply grief. "I miss him."

Deren softened then, the new dampness in her eyes reflecting the light of the evening sun. "I miss him too."

Was it worse, he wondered, to be violently torn away from a loved one by the atrocity of one's own mistakes, or to have that option stolen from you by the grief of something far more permanent.

"I know it won't atone for anything," Can shifted, his grip around the wooden railing turning his knuckles white. "But I never intended for it to go that far, I didn't mean to get her family hurt. It was stupid, it was barbarically careless and my soul will be stained with it forever, but it was not my intention to get anyone she cared about killed."

Deren was watching him, questioning behind her eyes. "But that's the thing you still don't understand. What happened that day, it wasn't just about the people she knew, the people she cared about. They were all innocent, Can."

He nodded gravely, slowly, his eyes returning to the water. "I'm sorry," He wasn't sure who he was saying it to, but there were a thousand more still burning in his chest.

Deren was still observing him, nervous, as if wrestling over something she wasn't sure was her's to tell. The battle was quelled in a heartbeat as she noticed the anguish painted all over his face. "They're not..." Deren paused, shuffling on her feet. "Can, her family aren't dead. She found them, her parents, and her sister, they survived - it took months of searching, she was gone from us for a long time, but she did find them again."

They were... Something like bitter hope came to life inside of him then, the last frayed thread that maybe redemption could still be attainable. Gods, they were alive? A little of the crushing weight in his chest fell away, the feeling dispelling the thought to the back of his mind that he was still missing something important. What he had done was remarkably shitty, but the betrayal that sat on Sanem's shoulders had felt excruciatingly personal. "How? How on earth did she find them?"