Winter Flower JJk 🔞

24 Drunk Conversation

*Jungkook's POV*

Is it normal to get anxious over things which are not even related with me? I have been living in a nightmare since the day Charlie mentioned about what I actually did that night. It was my entire fault and I cannot act normal as if I never did that thing. Just because I don't remember doesn't mean that I am innocent and Charlie forgiving me is making me feel even worse.

I feel like I am being treated as those of mentally retarded person. The reason why Charlie forgave me is because I don't remember a thing! I don't remember what an actual monster I was to her. She is feeling pity on me when I am at the fault.

It pains me to think that I am a reason for someone's bitter past and especially when that someone is the one you are head over heels for. When I look at Charlie, all I see how much I have hurt her. She doesn't deserve someone like me. And the desperation she have in her to have me in her life is actually the worst thing I could ever imagine.

Maybe I was wrong the entire time. Maybe she and Taehyung were perfect match since the beginning and I just happen to screw up everything. I came into her life and I was desperate to make her mine even though I knew I could never have her.

Charlie is perfect. She is a kind of girl you could ever dream of. She is beautiful and she is sensible. She knows what she wants her in her life and has a clear view of what she needs to do in order to get her things done. She has always been straight forward. When I first saw her back at the Uni, I got whipped then and there. The reason why I joined that stupid art school was because she was going and Jimin hyung just happened to tell me that she was about get the admissions done.

I laugh at myself on the silly reason I gave her when she asked me if I am good at painting then why I joined the class at the first place. Even though I came up with the answer then and there, she bought it immediately.

I was always jealous of Taehyung. He had her and they were practically together since they were kids. He knew everything about her, every single thing. He knew what she likes and what she doesn't. And he also knew how to make her happy.

I don't know when I fall in love with her. Maybe it was since the first day I saw her, but I never stopped loving her. I always stalked her, imagined how my life would be when I'll be with her. I always held onto the hope a day I will finally be able to call her mine, but I was scared. I was scared to approach her for so many years. I didn't know how to talk to her or what to say to her after I ruined her birthday night. But I never knew that there was more to it.

I am so much ashamed that I cannot even lift my eyes up to meet hers. But the only thought that keeps me hanging in there is that she stills hope that I could be the man of her life. But am I?

Charlie said back in Cyprus that she has given me the right to decide what we have for us. She said she wants me to take the decision for us. But am I even capable of making the decision?

Today when I saw Taehyung giving her the bag of cakes, I cannot help but to over hear what they were talking. Even after years he remember what she likes. And this is the very thing that makes me jealous. I want to be that person who knows her more than herself. I want to be the man she could look up to. I want to be that very person that she could love with entire trust she has. But I am afraid if I will screw up everything once again.

There is too much of a crowd over here today. As Jin hyung insisted, we all are wearing the bests of our clothes. He introduces me to few of his friends who were business people, politicians and celebrities. I met so many people that I don't even remember their names except of few celebrities who I know.

My eyes are continuously searching for Charlie, but I couldn't find her. Neither rest of the girls are here. They must be taking too long to get ready.