in my head • johnny suh

fourteen • home

seoul
hana's apartment
2:13 p.m.

tour was over with now, it ended about two weeks ago. it was now mid fall in seoul so the weather was slowly getting more and more chilly. hana was bundled up with a blanket, with her pets next to her on the couch, binge watching a show she hadn't been able to watch due to tour. she wore one of ten's sweatshirts that he didn't like anymore so he gave it to her, and it still smelt faintly of his cologne. it was currently raining a little but not enough that you would consider it to be a downpour but enough you'd need a jacket.

the sounds coming from the tv drowned out the rain but you could see it on the windows as it came down. her cat was purring beside her and her dog was asleep on the other side. the big bowl of popcorn that was still warm sat in her lap, which she munched on as she watched her show. right as the episode ended someone rang her doorbell that woke both of her pets up. figuring it was a friend, she opened the door but found the last person she'd ever expect to appear at her doorstep.

"hey. can we talk?"

it was eva. she stood at the entrance with a wet rain jacket on and her hair slightly damp. eva looked like she hadn't slept properly in awhile or maybe she was just sad. hana didn't know what to say but knew she had to say something. her silence was starting to make eva nervous.

"i'm a little confused. why are you here?"

"i know this is so very unexpected and i'm the last person you want to see, but i just need to talk to you. i need to say some things."

hana let her in, something told her not to close the door. even though eva was right, hana didn't want to see her at all, but she still wanted to see what was up. even though her and eva were not on good terms she didn't feel like slamming the door in her face. most people would have if they would've been in her shoes. she wanted to see what eva had to say.

"take a seat. can i get you anything?" hana offered.

"no thanks, i'm good. i won't be here long."

they sat on the couch and hana paused the show so it wouldn't be a distraction. "alright. what do you want to talk about?"

eva appeared to struggle with her words for a second but found them a few seconds later. her coat was lying in her lap now. "i um.. need to apologize. for a lot of things."

hana's eyes went wide with shock. an apology from eva was totally out of the question she assumed. it was something that was wanted a few months ago but now hana wasn't sure if she even wanted to hear it.

"i know i did you wrong." eva admitted. "i know i ... ruined a lot of things. my behavior was just absolutely embarrassing. thinking back on all the things i said and did to you makes me absolutely ashamed of myself. i was jealous for one reason and one reason only. i let it change me and how i acted which i shouldn't have let happen."

"what reason was that?"

"i knew he wanted you. maybe you don't see it but.. it's true. i let it affect me in a toxic way. i guess i just thought he'd leave me for you so i got possessive. it got in my head in a bad way that i'm so ashamed of. i can't believe the things i said to you and the things i did. coming between you and his friendship when it was clearly platonic.. was so childish. i'm just so sorry hana i truly am."

it seemed like a genuine confession to hana. or maybe eva was just a really good actor but she didn't think that was the case. she clearly wasn't in a good state and hana could tell that just by looking at her. "eva.. i do in a way forgive you. but i'm not gonna forget the things you did to me. to him. you wanna tell me why you tried to cheat on him?"