The Widow And The Fatherless Child

As the night falls over the Meadow in the misty moonlight my spirit begins to fall.
My thoughts lead me to my traumatic past as I think of my fallen love whose death has done nothing but haunt my thoughts every time I think of him. Finnick was a boy back from District 4 who was nothing more than a boy with a charming smile with bright blue eyes that seemed to take away my pain every time I looked at him.
I remember the day we met. I was reaped to participate in the 70th annual Hunger Games and Finnick was my mentor. He was responsible for giving me and my fellow District 4 tribute advice and sponsors so we can stay alive in the arena. Now that I think about the games, I remember when the boy from my district was beheaded in front of my eyes, and now I am known as the victor from District 4 who went crazy in the games. I usually get nightmares of him getting an ax slashed across his neck and seeing his head roll to my feet.
I mean, I only won the games because the game makers decided to flood the arena and the only thing I was good at was swimming. If the arena wasn't flooded I probably would have been killed and never would have seen Finnick again. Sometimes I wish the arena wasn't flooded, because then I would be dead and I wouldn't have to face the pain I endure every single day of my life. If I was dead I wouldn't be here in this dark, depressing society that constantly reminds me of my internal scars from my past.
I wouldn't have to live my life alone anymore. Alone deep in a hole full of my burdens and nightmares that constantly beat me until I can't fight anymore. After I won the games, I knew my life wouldn't be the same.I knew I would never get off the train that leaves for the capital. The only good thing about this was how I could see Finnick on the train. I would also get to spend time with him in Victor's Village back home.
When I first met Finnick I thought he was arrogant and self-centered considering he was the youngest to ever win the games at age 14, but it turns out he is equally internally broken as I was. At times when we were home, we spent our days sitting at the beach talking about our struggles. The struggles to understand the reason why we should be alive in a world that does nothing but cause injustice to society. The injustice that causes my pain to grow as I live another day. Injustice to the innocent people who want nothing but peace within the world.
As the days went on, Finnick and I grew to love one another. I would think about how lucky I was to have him by my side as we fight the dark forces that torment our minds. He was like a shield that blocked my fears from possessing my body. I remember when I was rescued by District 13, I never forgot the look on Finnick's face when I saw him. I felt a sigh of relief when I saw him smiling again as we sprint into each other's arms crying tears of joy instead of tears of agony.
That night we spent the night in the hospital together embracing each other tighter than we ever hugged before. It was nice to feel the warm heat of Finnick's body pressed against mine as we slept in peace rather than pain. But now that Finnick is dead I wake up alone with nobody. Nobody but my lonely self and my lingering thoughts that seem to torture my mind as I live another day. Another day of depression, loneliness, and a longing wish to end my pain. The only thing I could do is dream of him holding me in his arms as he protects me from the nightmares that possess me in agony.
But unfortunately, my dream ends and now I wake up to the sound of my screams. The screams that only seem to replicate the agonizing screeches of Peeta Mellark and Johanna Mason being tortured in the capital by President Snow. Being tortured to protect the ones they love most so they don't have to suffer the same fate.
Especially Peeta. He was being beaten, whipped, and injected with venom so he could protect Katniss, Peeta's Fiance, from the Capital. Everything that Peeta did for the capital was to signify that he would do anything for her. When I think of Peeta's sacrifices, I think of Finnick because I know he would do the same for me. Getting beaten, whipped, and injected with poison so I wouldn't be killed.
But now I have nobody to protect me. Nobody to guide me through the pain of going on with my life. I only live to the constant reminder that I'm nothing but a lonely woman who accepts her fate of never being happy again. Never being able to comprehend the fact that I'm a lonely window and my son is without a father. I never forget the feeling of being told that Finnick was killed. It was like the wind being knocked out of my lungs after being punched in my pregnant stomach but only worse. I remember how I could feel my knees buckle when I fell to them crying wishing that this moment was a nightmare I could wake up from.
But now I realize after all these years that I've been living in a nightmare. When my son Adrienne was born, the first thing I saw was his eyes that sparkled like the sun-kissed ocean in the daylight. After my son was born, I dream of Finnick holding our baby in his protective arms as he secures him from the dark society that scars humanity. Telling him the adventure that lies ahead in his future. Telling him the secrets that will guide him in life. Telling him to live every day like it's your last because there's so much to be grateful for despite the evil the world possesses.
Today is a day I never thought would come.
A day that only reminds me that there is no one left for me to love. No one left for me to tell my secrets to. No one left to confine my feelings and emotions. Today is the 20th anniversary Finnick and I got married in District 13. To honor Finnick I am going to take Adrienne to where I married Finnick. I want to tell him how amazing his father was. How brave, courageous, and loving he was to everyone he loved.
I want to tell him how his mother and father fought their fears face to face together no matter how hard they strike back. I want him to learn to never give up by encouraging him to continue his father's legacy.
Once we arrived at District 13 I brought my son to the room I married his father in. As soon as I enter the room, flashbacks bombard my mind as I'm walking around the room telling my son every detail of his father. The memories of walking down the aisle with my white gown as I approach him. Smiling and crying as he watches me glimmer in my bright white dress. The memories of feeling his warm lips pressed against mine. It was like nobody was there. Nobody but me and him. Just the way I liked it.
But now that my flashbacks are over I am once again reminded that he is dead and I'll never see him again. I'll never feel his warm embrace as we sleep at night. I'll never see his blue eyes sparkle in the morning sun. Or even see the day that he embraces our son. Now that I'm traumatized by the constant reminders the world gives me, I've decided it's best to isolate myself from society and never come back. It is time to accept the fact that Finnick is never coming back to me and I'll be nothing but a miserable lonely woman fighting off the battles the past still throws at me.
Before I say goodbye to the world I decide to walk over to the ocean one last time. I kneel in the salty ocean and look up to the sky and whisper to the clouds, "Finnick I'm sorry that I've failed you. I'm sorry that I'm not the woman you thought I was. I'm sorry that you loved me all this time. I never truly deserved you."
Now it's time to return to my nightmares that linger inside my head as I isolate myself from a society I burdened. I decided I can't mother Adrienne anymore and gave him up to another family. A family that would nurture him. Love him. I know no matter what he will continue to live like his father and grow to be a man like Finnick. He will now have a father and I'll be a widow.
A lonely widow without a child.THE END.