Just Another Yesterday

Stuck in Conflict

A collaboration with Rahul

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A battle between loved ones; verbal and non-verbal. and you are in between. Stuck in this conflict.

Yesterday a person summed up my life. Probably the most suprised and inspired I have been in a while, I re-read this multiple times to rid myself of shock.

He said "They vent the anger they have amongst themselves upon you. You being the elder child, having to deal with the bulls**t Then when they finally decide to agree on something it's having you in their firing line - but you take it anyway, because your small pain, will result in them getting along - in peace for a while..."

.. and trecerous tears fell down my cheek and onto my phone as I replied "But my love for them is immense. I would do anything for them. Though they do not know that they are putting me through.

These little pains that sum up to be a big pain called life. I love them. I can take the hit; but if that hit contacts my sibling is something they'll regret. I've grown up to such, they haven't. I protect them, I am their shield. "

He said in turn "BUT they can say something so out of line that even you can crack. They know you can take everything, they've seen you grow up, fight, argue, and now they cross the line by saying something you can't handle."

and the I saw his pain, it was disguised well. The simple mistake of "son". His speech showed he was in my shoes but that is no evidence, the evidence revealed it self through a simple typo. I might be over-analysing; but I don't do anal.

He said "Nothing can save them now, I'm gone at 18, no matter what they do, and then they can really say I'm good for nothing. They'll get money thrown at them - They've gained extra income a month - They've lost a son"

But I knew I had to stay, I had to shield. But that only works if the two most loved ones fight for their relationship, for their love, not against it. What is there to protect my siblings from? Heartbreak? Everyone deals with it their own way.

A battle of the two most loved people in your life; verbal and non-verbal. Who do you defend? Who is in the wrong? You are inbetween; stuck in this conflict.