Everyone talks about what happens during the suffering, but nobody talks about what occurs after. Because no one wants to admit, that it goes on and still hurts. It just doesn't stop. Maybe it never truly does. After the suffering is more suffering...
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i didn't reply. do you know how hard it is to tell someone that you are lost, that you are broken that your hope is dying like the petals of a flower, that you have given up, given up everything, even the voice- it's so hard to use your voice, that voice hurts me that voice got me in this trouble that voice made me heard- seen, i want to stay hidden- deep down i know that i don't really want that.
i almost gave up on myself, but why did you? you're not supposed to give up yet, you were supposed to continue frantically calling and calling texting and texting hugging and hugging, until one day perhaps i would be ready- but you just left with your subtle essence, and acted like i was fine, like i didn't need anybody.
lily, i was vulnerable, and the worst feeling is when you so desperately try to find hope in people you used to know. you are a person i used to know. and this hope is the only thing that is keeping me going keeping me from crashing keeping me from dying. lily, you have changed. i hardly recognize you. i don't see the girl i had thousands of sleepovers with in kindergarten. i see a woman with a new life new friends a boyfriend off to college, building a future for yourself. i'm happy for you lily, i truly am. but i thought for the longest time that my happiness would always be apart of your's. i think that's what broke me the most.
