so you want to kill yourself

update.

hello.

i haven't been active on this account for a very long time and i seem to keep getting messages and people trying to reach out to specifically me. i am sorry if you are one of these people and i didn't respond.

i used to respond to all of those messages and requests when this book was fresh out of the oven and hadn't blown up so much like it has now. but now i am very overwhelmed by the amount of people who have experienced awful things, things i can't even comprehend. it is now impossible for me to respond to everyone genuinely because of this huge amount of requests and i really do not want to send out a generic message that might harm people instead of helping them.

plus, there have been many rude people in the comments and i kinda got discouraged because you know, idk how to respond :D. yeah, those comments hurt my heart, but that's why i read them not that often, so it's alright. in the end i'm happy that people have found a safe place to write out their opinions and thoughts even if they're a bit mean, because everybody feels that way sometimes. 

and i am so thankful for all the people who try and help others in the comments! who try to give them advice, let them message you and so on. that's so beautiful and i'm very happy about that.

i just need to say that you have to remember that i am not a psychologist, not a therapist, i have no license whatsoever. heck, i'm only 18 myself while i'm writing this in 2020!

i myself have been going to therapy lately and i see how different it is than talking to a normal, typical person you know. i might be able to provide help to some people, but i see many people here, especially in the comment sections, who i can't help with the knowledge i have, who would be better off with therapy than a lighthearted book like this. i completely understand that.

i've been going through some ups and downs myself since releasing this book and i still see that the things that help me the most are the either very simple things in life or the very wild things i wouldn't have expected myself to do. that's why the book asks you to do those kinds of things, even though i know they're not for everyone.

if i would write a similar book right now i would probably change some things, but i won't edit out any of these chapters, because i still think they could help someone who is going through similar things to what i have gone through. 

even though i wrote this book while having a pretty clear mindset, not suicidal, it still helped me too. i realised through this book that i want to get a degree in psychology and that is what i'm trying to pursue now :) 

this is somewhat of a ranty chapter, but i just wanted to explain my absence and give a heads up to people who want to contact me in the far future through messages or some of the comments, because i most likely won't respond, sadly. 

if you're still very keen on telling me something you can go to my wattpad bio and find my instagram account there. i won't be able to be a personal therapist and might not be able to help you with your problems, but if you just wanna say hi or your opinion about this book (no matter if it's bad or good), or advice or anything, you're free to do so!

and in the end you can always comment. even though i don't check the comments often and don't usually respond, i still go back and read through most of them every month or so. and even if i won't read through it, other people might!

i want to say a sincere thank you to all of the people who said that this has helped you in any way, that was what i was trying to achieve with this book and you give me joy with your joy :)

and thank you to all of the people who hated this book too, who didn't find any help here. i love the fact that you still tuned in and tried! you read through it, you tried, you seeked some sort of help. thank you for doing that for yourself. 

as always, i love you and thank you.
-sophie.