ㅡ hanahaki. 「 dreamnotfound, gream 」！finished！

「 11 (please play music before reading) 」

[ a/n ]
ㅡ apparently, the music won't play while reading, so please search this up: (if you can play the music, there's one at the media)

blind to you - aimer

please listen to this while reading it really sets the mood right.

「 花吐き。」

"you invited dream in your stream? you're gonna do a stream? in that condition?" nick stated, completely hinting george a dumb thing he's about to do.

"are you dumb or just plain dumb?" darryl butted in.

"why it's not like i'm gonna die mid-stream anyways." george responded. "this might be my last stream for all i know."

darryl went silent. "...what do you mean last?"

"...oh. oops." george slipped out. he has not told darryl yet that he won't do the surgery.

"george, don't tell me..."

"...yeah." it was all george could say.

"so that's your decision huh."

"look darryl i'm sorryㅡ"

"i'm just uhh, gonna go to the bathroom." darryl cut george's apology, went out of his seat and went to the bathroom of the plane.

there were a few seconds of silence before nick spoke up. "you made darryl cry."

"shut up nick."

"george you're already hurting everyone, y'know? you think it's just easy for us to just go along and let you leave us? you think it's easy for us, knowing sooner enough you'd be permanently leaving us, if you choose to die from that disease? i don't understand why you would be so selfish, putting your love for clay first before our friendship. knowing one of my closest friends will die soon, not being able to have fun with them anymore, not being able to meet them again, not being able to eat together with them. all those things are what we're feeling right now, that's why this is so hard for us. that minecraft team survival we all did? what would you think we'd feel every time we enter the world, seeing things that remind us of you, seeing your bed, all of the things that belong to you, knowing you were one of the people who helped build that world of memories? and now, you'll be gone, leaving us in pain, always remembering you, and not being able to be with you anymore."

"...nick don't cry... please..."

"i'm sorry george but you're really being selfishㅡ"

"i don't want to say this, cause this makes it harder for me." george butted in, completely hesitant whether to tell nick what he was about to say or not.

"what?"

"i found somewhere, that if i surgically remove these petals and the roots growing in my lungs, there are rare cases where people lose the ability to ever love again. even if it's just friendship."

"...what?"

"...nick, i'm afraid. even if it's rare, it's not impossible. you can call me selfish all you want, but i don't want to wake up one day, not being able to love you guys anymore. it's harder isn't it? that i'm still alive, but i don't love you guys anymore. i won't feel love ever again. and i... i don't want that. i want to take my last breath, knowing that you, darryl, and clay love me, and me knowing that i love you guys too. i don't want to permanently close my eyes, not leaving wonderful memories with you. even if it's rare, i'm scared i'll lose all these feelings i treasure that held both happiness and pain in me. i don't want to risk it. i'd be better dying knowing that i had such wonderful friends whom i really love, the love that can be felt from the heart, and not be removed along with these petals. nick, it's over. me confessing to clay, it's too late. he loves someone else already. i don't want to be selfish, and destroy their relationship. clay won't love me the same way i do, nick. i've already faced that truth. and i want you guys to be able to understand me. i already know myself, it's all over. so i just want the remaining days of my life to be enjoyable with the people i love the most. and it's you guys. i want to die, not regretting the things i did. i already knew from the start, that i had no chance at him. and i can't do anything about it, can i? right now, this is not a matter anymore of whether clay will love me back or not, because it will never even happen in the first place. our friendship is what i wanted to protect that led me to my decision. please understand, please?"