// three

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My world came crashing down from one measly phone call. I don't know what to do. Am I angry? Am I sad? Am I shocked? I'm frozen. Frozen, overwhelmed with devastation. Overwhelmed with shock. Overwhelmed with guilt. Heartbroken. I have so many overpowering emotions running through my veins, that my body doesn't know how to react, except to freeze. Have a moment to itself to try figure itself out. Figure out what I want to feel first. Minutes pass, and society moves on. The next news story will come on the tv, viewers will sympathise for less than a minute and forget all about the burnt house. Whilst I am here, frozen with the thoughts of my loved one being taken away from me, never being able to move on.

// flashback

Even through my misery, this getaway has turned out to be one of the best yet. Just Blake and I, on the road, differing between friends houses in hope for a good time. In all honesty, it's become an experience in which I am never likely to forget. Travelling with my mate, meeting new people, seeing old friends, and meeting a girl. Eden, Eden Mannering. We were in Blake's aunties, neighbours pool when the folks living behind them came and joined. I just remember my breath hitching in my throat at the sight of her. It wasn't love at first sight. I believe that love is a powerful word, and to be in love you have to know a person inside and out, not just off their looks. But I was astounded by her looks. Her hair was short at the time, cut neatly resting along her collarbones. How her eyelashes formed little clumps when they were wet after she jumped into the shockingly cold pool with a shriek. Even with bloodshot eyes from the chlorine, I could see the energy that her eyes held in those mesmerising faded green orbs. Her bold pink nail polish, chipped on the edges as she rested her head on her hands on the side of the pool to chat with her neighbours. And hell, I couldn't keep my eyes off of her fit body, being a boy and all. Blake, Eden, Lucy (Blake's cousin), and I all being the same age, we hung out and had a few drinks. I regretted not getting her number that night. Of course I did. Such a stunning girl and I was too caught up in the night that I didn't think past it. I remember I was supposed to ask for it, I was all ready to, but then we got told to come inside and all of the courage that I had built up just disappeared. But I have my ways, making Blake get it off of his cousin a week later, and boy am I glad I did. Because here I am, almost two months later, about to see the breath-taking girl for the second time...

Only just noticing the tv was still on when I slightly turn my head, the first movement I can bear. One lone strand of hair is dangling in front of my eyes, slicing my vision in half. However, I still see it. The once burning house, now being extinguished to ash. And in that moment my mind decided what emotion was coming first. Anger. Looking down at the tv remote still in my hand. I realise that my knuckles have turned white due to how tightly I've been gripping it with anxiety. With a sudden wave of anger washing through my body, I throw the remote at the wall with all my strength. It hit a photo frame hung on the wall, causing it to fall with the remote and shatter into hundreds of pieces, but it's just not enough, I need to get my anger out somehow. I storm over to the tv, and silently push it with power, not taking a second to allow the consequences sink in, not letting myself be able to think of anything and drown in my own thoughts. It slowly fell off of the cabinet and tumbled down to the floor, the screen instantly cracking with impact. Watching that fatal house that has ruined my life disappear in front of me as the screen turns a display of colours makes a little bit of anger leave my body. Anger is pulsing through my veins, my blood boiling. A straggled scream escaped my hoarse throat as I fling my arm at a teal coloured lampshade. Eden bought that at a sale at a home store, Iv'e hated it for so long, I mean who has lampshades nowadays? They are old fashioned and ugly, even when people try to add a modern twist to them, just don't even go there. It felt good to finally do what I always desired to do to that thing, but pure guilt swept over me like a flock of birds in a hurry trying to escape the winter they know is coming. She'd hate me if she was here right now. As soon as she gets back from the supermarket she's going to give me the silent treatment, she loved that lamp. Maybe if I try to hide the evidence she won't notic- another sharp thought cut off my thinking. She isn't here to yell at me. She is gone, forever. I can't hold her in my arms and give her a playful squeeze to make her wriggle and get a reaction. I can't hold her quaint little hands, fingers intertwined as reassurance that we belong to each other and clarification of our love. I won't be able to touch her to know she is there, to know she is mine. A loud sob sounded through the room, and I leaned against the wall for support, releasing the last of my anger in a fist to the wall behind me. My muscles aching, my anger diminishing, I slide down the wall and wallow in my grief, my whole body shaking as I break down. Everything finally falling on top of me like a ton of bricks. Everything came back to me. In my moment of anger I seemed to push the trauma to the back of my mind for just a brief moment. But it all came back like I was reliving it all over again. And trust me, it was the worst feeling that I've ever felt.


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