If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, i'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.~anonymous
" I'm not sure whats going on, nor will i ever. i have so much to plan, so much to worry about. i don't have a plan for the future, i though i did...but they say its foolish. They said its a childish dream. Well maybe i like being childish, maybe i like my imagination. maybe i want to believe in angels, in god, maybe i like dreaming of a perfect future. they cant keep me held up in this house, nor will i let them. I want me freedom, i want to have a life, meet new people, enjoy life at my age." i screamed into the darkness surrounding me. alll kinds of shapes swirled around me, various of colors surrounding me. swirled into different animals.
but a voice wouldn't let me rest and enjoy the colors. "life's not fair, you ll have to fight for what you want most, fight for your dreams, find a voice." the voice seemed calm but it just made me mad.
"what are you talking about?! how am i supposed to do that when no one even listens to me? how can i follow my dream when i haven't even started?! how am i supposed to start when all they say is no and i cant?! they say they'll support my choices and my dreams but all they do is shoot me down when I'm in flight. how am i supposed to dream big when i cant even live my small dreams. And how am i supposed to concur my fears when no ones here to help me? i know i like being independent but i need help on some of my dreams. how can i find my voice if i don't have any hints on where to find it? so many questions, so many dreams, no help, just me. how can i hold onto hope when the people i love just leave and go to a better place? how am i supposed to stand tall when i have the weight of the moon on my shoulders? how am i supposed to stay strong when I'm minutes away from breaking? how, HOW. how am i supposed to follow and do what i love when all they do is call bullshit and say its not possible." i screamed as tears fought to spill.
"stay strong for days longer, find the golden thread an never let go, the people who love you will be with you when you are in need, your Independence is your strength. your questions have just begun to fold out but there's only more to come. they will unravel through your journey, be patience" the voice called again. call me crazy for talking to myself or hearing voices but i don't know were this voice was coming from. i just want to scream an hide.
"i know things happen for a reason, but how can i be strong when I'm moments from breaking? i want to curl up and cry. the people around me are disappearing, an i though i liked some one, but it was my mistake. they see the smile on my face, but not the frown in my eyes, I'm afraid to make that mistake again. i cant find that one person who will be with me forever, nor do i plan too. its too painful, to nerve racking. how can one dream of a future when all that they dream of will cost them the walls that hid the emotion an pain? how can one risk that an be unsure what awaits? I'm broken an not the strongest glue can put me back together" there was no answer, just my questions floating in the air.
"say no one more time an i loose it" i think over and over "tell me i cant an ill prove you wrong, my independence only makes me stronger, its who i am" the words play in my head like song lyrics " push me around, i don't care, my tears wont spill." they float around like a feather. "ill be with you soon grandpa, ill fight, ill prove them wrong, no matter what, you'll be with me, in my heart." the light breeze surrounds me. "my tears wont spill" a light mist spreads from the ground, and the image of wings and feathers flash through my head. "i love you" i whisper into the air, and i break. the tears flow with out permission, and the pains to much, so i break.
i jumped out of bed gasping for air, i wiped my eyes dry as i scrambled out of bed. school was finally back in session and it was time to get ready and figure out another million ways on how my dream can come true
