Deep Connection

2

*End of Flashback*
-Oh, no... he's here. You told me he doesn't work here anymore!
-Yes, Alison, he does not. But how am I supposed to know if he wants to come in here as a customer? I'm not a medium or something!
-Can we switch places? Pleeaaase-
-No, are you crazy? We gotta get out of here! I'll put the money under my cup.
We ran into the car and drove away from that place.

I have many memories in this coffee shop, but my first one with Chris popped up because that's how we met. And it was all arranged by Rebecca. I had told her few days before that a new guy joined us recently. And she already knew that because Becca knows everything; I don't know how, but she always manages to talk and be friends with every person she meets. So my best friend already knew his entire story before I even got the chance to tell her about him. But somehow, all of my classmates knew it too. I don't remeber hearing him say that he had some issues and he couldn't come in the first two weeks.

*Flashback*
-So how was your day, Ali? I heard you have a new classmate.
-It was ok and yes, a new guy came today.
-Just like that? He came in and said nothing? Didn't he say his name or why was he absent in the first two weeks?
-How am I supposed to know all that? We didn't talk at all!
-Ok, then explain me how all of your classmates know everything about him but you.
-I was probably not paying attention.

And I was not paying any attention at what he said, all I know is that he had a special charm and I didn't hear a word.

-You were probably drooling, that's what happened. And then Rebecca rised her left brow in sign of disapproval.
-No, it's not like that, I just... uhm... didn't have enough sleep and-
-And you have to stop lying to me, because I know you since we were children and if you think you can fool me, guess what, you can't. You like him.
-No, I don't!
-Yes, you do, and I'm about to tell him.
-Becky, are you crazy?! Don't talk to him! That's not true!
-Then why are you suddenly blushing?
-I am not, stop it! You are going to embarras me, please don't do anything.
-Ok, coward. If you want to be single your entire life then don't take any risks and wait for "the prince" to come.
-What's so wrong with being single?!
-Nothing, but you are always single, Alison. When are you going to step up?
-When I feel like it.
-Ugh... shut up. You always say that. Whatever, your loss. I even know where he works. I could just go there and ask for his shifts too.
-You are joking, right?!
But judging her facial expression, she was actually very serious.

*End of Flasback*

That is how my friend arranjed everything. She invited me to come at that coffee shop after she made sure that he was going to be there as well.
Rebecca suggested to also have a different order. And she chose a milkshake with a lot of cream knowing I am messy. She planned to embarras me. I don't even know how, but her plan kind of worked, because Chris introduced himself. However, I still don't know if Rebecca told him to do so...

But I screwed up everything. Two years ago, I decided to surprise him with a visit, but he already had company. A blonde girl was sitting right next to him and they seemed to be very close. He had told me that day that he was busy with something and couldn't see me. And when I saw all of that I assumed immediately that he was cheating on me with that girl.
I cried all night, while packing everything I had brought in my friend's house. Unfortunately, she was not home to stop me from leaving. And in the next morning, I returned to my parent's house which was 40 km away. I didn't even have a car back then; I took the bus.
I was never the kind of girl to ran from a place to another. I was always that kind of girl that has only a couple of friends, shy, not into partying.
I was always in my bubble, not bothering or not being bothered by anyone.
I usually meet new people only when Rebecca indroduces me to them.

That night changed me, it changed my way of thinking, my way of living. I became obnoxious, hard to bear. I don't even recognise myself. I changed the way I dress, the way I walk. I became the opposite.
My friend seems nothing wrong in that, she sais I dress better now. I just think it's weird how pain changes people. But it either makes them much better or much worse.

I wonder if there is someone with the same issue... I wonder if there is someone that looks at himself/herself in the mirror the same way I look at myself. I don't even know what to believe... which way did I go? Did I become worse or better?

There is a haze inside my head... I was never that confused about myself.

I regret choosing to leave him without explanation, but I don't regret that I got to do things for myself, for my own happiness...
But I always wonder... What if I didn't do what I did? Would I be different?
What if I didn't hurt him so much? Would we still be together? Or were we meant to break up at some point?