To The One I've Been Missing

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To the one I've been missing

Bit of a weird thing to look for you really. It's something my mind, or my heart rather, took a pretty long while to realize. It was just a sudden brain snap or something, while biting into some sandwhich or whatever, that maybe, just maybe, my life reserved a seat for someone like you.

It was that annoying static that kept kicking at the back of my head. That static that kept me up for an awful amount of nights. That static that I've wanted to figure out, but I can't. I just can't wrap my head around the very idea that I didn't know what was wrong.

To be brutally honest, I always thought I'd be okay with being me, just me. But the more I kept thinking of being just me, the sooner I realized I was missing you. How ironic is that? Cause I don't even know you yet.

So now you've got the gist of it. You're one tiny missing piece, and I've got to find you. The world's pretty wide, but hey, I'd probably find you soon. What could go wrong?

Maybe I'd find you somewhere far or somwhere near. Hell, I'd probably find you walking 'round the block. I just have to try. I just have to have something, anything. Anything that would let me know, I'm inches from you.

Given these circumstances, normal me wouldn't get so caught up in this kind of spectacle. From time to time, my mind would probably let my pride in, and I'd doubt the idea. I'd maybe ask myself a couple of times, if I really needed this. If I really needed you. Then that all too familiar static banging my mind would come back, and it will be so, so much more louder than anything at all.

I would be pretty frustrated and impatient after a little while, because now that I've completely embraced the idea that I'm missing a part, I'll be head strong on finally knowing who you are.

Feeling emotional and desperate, I'll possibly think you're someone you're not. I'd feel the urgent need to find you that I would mistake you for someone else. And I'd give my heart to him, and what dumb luck that he gave his heart to me too.

For a short moment, I'll feel intact, because right at that very minute I'd reckon, I finally have you. That finally, I have that lacking portion that took me too long to find.

I'd probably be beaming and convinced on the fact that you were with me now.

That heart he'd give, it would just be new, innocent, pretty and all kinds of beautiful. It would be everything blissful and quiet that I'd wanted to find when I went out looking for you.

And him.

He'd be so, so perfect and on that moment I'll know, he's right, he's it.

I'll hope and hope he was it.

Soon enough, thinking life could not disappoint you with anything more, I'd feel stuck. Stuck on the moment, and stuck with him. Suddenly, that static is back again, panging behind my mind. That same static that told me way back then that something, one thing was missing.

And that feeling of being intact probably won't last long anymore. Maybe, along the lines, I would see that even with him filling the gap, he just wouldn't fit it as perfectly as you would. Something like that would completely throw my heart straight down the ditch cause right that second I'll find out that he wasn't that missing piece and that I still don't know squat about you yet. That I didn't and I don't have you.

I would maybe sit still, talking to myself, wishing hard that he was that missing portion. Because aside from the fact that I will have to let him go, we had it. We had the ropes and the twigs that tied us together, all the tics and cracks that made us laugh, and a time, that time, where we endlessly waltzed in our bubble.

How fair is that? It just downright throws me back to square one. What spares you from that kind of heartache?

That hurt of having to drop out someone else and fully invalidating the progress I thought I had. Are you really worth all the trouble?

I'll be losing inhibition and be completely out of my wits just because I needed you to fill an empty spot. It's just that, where the hell are you?

By this time I'd just feel numb and callous, and solely disappointed. I would walk around dragging my ego, completely giving up cause why bother right? Dropping my head down, I'd be too sobered up from all the bad turns I did to look for you and would maybe be beating myself up a tad bit more than I should that I won't see you walking by.

You would look up and feel a smile slowly grow on your face because you would probably be so happy to see me there cause maybe, maybe you were missing me too. That I was right there, walking your way.

But that smile would fade and you'd wonder why I didn't spare you, not even one lone glance. Why I kept walking, fully lapsing over the fact that you, my you, was right there.

So if I pass you by, please, don't let it break your heart. I've gone through a whirlpool of chances while looking for you. So if we do finally cross each other, give me a tap. Let me know. Beacuse then, and finally then, I'll be able to see those eyes I've been wanting to see. Those eyes, with shades and hues I'd never seen before. And after a long wild goose chase, I'd hear you say your name.

But, all this rests on alot of maybes, yeah?

A million possibilites could and would happen still. I'd probably have to outshine and outlast alot more things before reaching this point with you. Don't worry though, we will reach that point.

And when we do, we'll be outshining those things together with all the tricks and toys we'd manage to bring. And it wouldn't even matter cause right that second I'd hear that static again with its different tune this time. It's the kind of comfort that will repeatedly, endlessly shout to me, I got it right.

Soon.

I've been told that the sun shines brighter when you look at it and think of someone else.

So right here, right now, this is my heart for you and it's set out to find the half of it. I'll love you with a one and only kind of love, because you are probably every missing color I would want to paint my life with.